CE Diary Series: Count Your Blessings

Hey dearie! How are you doing?

It’s been almost a year! The last time I wrote you, little did I know it will take me a year to return to journaling. But it did! And what a year it has been……….

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, lemme try to tell you all what I’ve been up to. Well, as much as I can share. 🙂

So much has happened- to me and with me in this past year, it’s really been a roller coaster year. I’ve been occupied with school; completed an MBA within the past year (well I’ve submitted my last coursework, waiting for the final award of my degree). Part of the requirements for my school’s orientation was that you are required to write a letter to your future self, indicating when and how you want to complete your program. I’m happy to announce, that despite taking a month off due to a personal loss, I met the projected timeline and grades! 💃 💃 💃 💃 💃 It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it!

I lost someone so very dear to my heart in November 2022. It remains the most painful loss I have had in my life. It broke me! It was like I had been given hope for a new beginning and that hope was snatched away. Unexpectedly, inexplicably! I mourned and I still grieve today.

I embarked on a project to heal some of the loss I felt, the project failed woefully and painfully! I felt so much despair and believed na my own bad pass.

Then hope came in the form of a suggestion, the timing, the resources, everything seemed against this hope springing to fruition. But I went with it. Fam! It did blossom! And in the fullness of time, I will make an announcement that you may all share in my joy! 😊

Amid all this, Nigerians have battled with a keenly contested election that saw many vested emotionally and financially. I thought of writing to you during the elections but I thought better of it. Emotions and tensions were heightened already and the best gift anyone could give at that time was the gift of de-escalation. Nonetheless, the elections have come and gone. I hope you are happy with the choices you made during the elections. As they say- elections have consequences. Oh right! The elections haven’t been concluded. We await the outcome of the PEP Tribunal.

Still on Nigeria, we’ve been buffeted by all sorts this year- cash crunch, electricity tariff review, elections, elections violence, removal of fuel subsidy, Naira devaluation, etc, etc…… The Nigerian citizen has even become a joke to our leaders. Lemme reframe that- the events of the past few months have given us the gift of seeing how much of a joke we are to our leaders. I hope you get it! 🤷‍♀️

In all of this, coming up for air, I’m reminded to count my blessings. I’m reminded that a significant number of my plans and desires always come through for me. Even in my deepest moment of despair, when I mourned that which I had lost, I never doubted God was in my corner. Rather I wondered if I wasn’t perhaps hoping amiss. I couldn’t understand why God could give me so much that I had asked for and even that which I didn’t request. Yet take away a gift so freely given.

I chose to count my blessings through the pain. I chose to count my blessings through the anxiety induced by Nigeria with all its vagaries. And we all know Nigeria really tests us. It does. For someone like me who overthinks things, my anxiety level has been on steroids. Just when you think you are on cruise control, you’ve worked your fingers and brains off and moved yourself up economically, you have plans for the future…….. Nigeria (read Nigerian leaders) will come and sweep all that away with their self-serving and ill-thought-out policies.  

Whew!

In the past year…… I turned 35! 💃 💃 💃 💃 💃I am very grateful to God for life and it was indeed a happy celebration. It was my first in-office birthday celebration in over five years and it rocked. I’m grateful to my team and colleagues, they made the office special and to all my loved ones who always come through 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘  

Anyways…….. enough about me. How have you been? How has life treated you in the past year? Did you miss me? I certainly missed writing to you. I promise to return to it soon. I will keep you updated.

I’m going to leave you with something I learned recently about how to do a self or partner assessment. It’s a physical, inspirational, emotional, and spiritual assessment (PIES). I encourage us all to ask ourselves and family, friends, and partners, how we are doing in these four areas. Be very honest with yourself, for a lack of wellness in any of the areas will impact on others.

So I ask you- how are you doing physically, inspirationally, emotionally, and spiritually? Be honest with yourself and write back to me.

Count your blessings, count your pain, count your stressors. Name them one by one. It will really surprise you what the Lord has done. It will also help you assess how best to approach the outstanding issues.

PS- Did I tell you I welcomed the most amazing niece this year? How remiss of me. But those of you who know me personally know this already. My mini-me🥰 Gazing into her lovely face does help with all the pain and anxiety 😍😍😍😍😍 She’s just a few days shy of 3 months and I feel like I’ve known her forever 🙂 Share with me, what good things have happened with you in the past year? Counting your blessings is healthy, it helps to keep you centered.

Bonus tip- FOCUS will help you remain centered. In the good, in the bad. Identify your WIG (yes wig, your best one lol) and stick to it. WIG stands for Wildly Important Goal. The goal on which everything else rests. It is to this wig that you should trace your blessings and pain. It is to this wig you should align your actions. If it isn’t moving you closer to your WIG…………

I have a wig story just before I go. I forgot my wig at home today (I think I have done this a million times already) and I had to drive back home to get it. I had everything else, work tools, shoes, me, and my corn rows were freshly made ……… but I didn’t have my wig (the completing part of my work armor) and I just had to return home to get it. Thankfully, traffic was light, and I still got in in good time (advantages of being an early bird).

I’m sure you are seeing more pointers as to why you must stay within your defined WIG 🙂

Anyways, until next time, subscribe to the blog to receive emails when I post………. Lots of hugs and kisses.

Do write back to me and tell me how you have been. Also, share your coping mechanisms with Nigeria of today.

🤗😘🤗😘
CE

CE Diary Series: E16: Hey You! You’re More Than Enough

In the early days of my career, I worked with 2 quite demanding bosses. Those experiences shaped me to be the professional that I am today, and I am somewhat grateful for it. But…… it could have been less painful.

In any case, the purpose for going down memory lane this week is due to a conversation I had with a contact on imposter syndrome, it brough back some memories. My experience with those professionals was such that I got to learn that for every deliverable, they already had an idea of how they want the end result to turn out. When I worked as a Copywriter, the Creative Director often had an idea of how he wanted the brief interpreted- leaving me with little or no creative liberty as any deviation from the expected wasn’t approved. I had a similar experience in the early days of my HR career as well.

These experiences had a twofold effect on me- on one hand I questioned my abilities greatly such that even when there’s praise for my work it didn’t register- I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The upside though was that it pushed me to work harder- to always out work myself- seeking to beat yesterday’s record. It was such that- even when my boss had okayed a deliverable; I would go over it so many times until I found a misplaced comma or something to be improved upon. I constantly questioned my ability for the position I occupied, I constantly doubted myself.

Afi is in her late twenties, she works as a Lead Stylist for one of the leading fashion houses.  Afi joined the organisation at inception as a Customer Service Agent, in no time; her sense of style and her fashion flair was noticed and she became an assistant stylist, working her way up to lead stylist in 6 years with the company. Afi has improved herself; she has taken some courses and seminars, but she keeps hesitating when it comes to putting herself out there and building up a personal brand. Her response is always- not yet, I don’t know enough yet. Afi’s boss recently left the organisation, and she was asked to act in that capacity. Confronted with bigger shoes to fill- managing the Buying and Styling units, Afi was unable to rise to the occasion. Her organisation supported her with relevant trainings, coaching and mentoring sessions, recognising that the role was a significant step up for Afi but a recurring theme in the feedback from her Coach and Mentor was- she has so much self-doubt to work through. Afi is leading a team which she believes on paper are more qualified than she is, she also cannot believe in just six years she’s ready for that position. All the job ads she has seen for similar positions require at least ten years of experience. She’s struggling in her role, not because she doesn’t have the capability to deliver but due to her own feeling of inadequacy and its beginning to affect her health.  

Imposter Syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people- women, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they’re deserving of accolades.

A lot of us are affected by imposter syndrome in one way or the other, we are constantly doubting our capabilities and abilities perhaps due to past experience and/or feedback- or perhaps even someone else’s experience. It’s what keeps us from applying for that job, from vying for that promotion, from setting up or expanding that business, from letting go of that toxic relationship or going into a new relationship- with someone we feel is out of our league, from making that capital investment, going on that solo vacation; etc, etc. It keeps us settling. We constantly doubt that we belong in that ‘space’. That XYZ failed in similar circumstances doesn’t mean you will, rather it  affords you the opportunity to learn from the errors of those who have gone before you and avoid them.

It’s natural to question yourself, its natural to feel some doubt- when balanced, its even healthy; to ensure you don’t jump headlong into something that may be detrimental and/or to ensure that you aren’t in a space that you are ill prepared for. However, when those thoughts paralyses and keeps you from moving forward or operating at your best; then it’s a problem.

Truth be told, sometimes we may find ourselves in situations or positions we are ill prepared for, but girlfriend; we are here already. Next step is to ensure we make it work. Not allowing ourselves be paralysed by fear and self-doubt.

In a world where women are still largely seen as 2^nd class citizens; imposter syndrome has been seen to affect more women than men- but we won’t dwell on that. I’d rather we dwell on mitigants. So, here are 5 things to do when self-doubt creeps in:

1. Say ‘NO’ to the little voice in your head until it stops talking
2. Stop comparing yourself to anyone other than yourself
3. Speak to someone about it. You could use the motivation (if you need to speak with a coach, please send me a private message- I have some free coaching hours to give out)
4. Ask yourself what you’ll gain if you gave in to self-doubt
5. Reaffirm the good attributes you possess which people have said about you

While you do this, do remember*;

1. Get better every day; grow your strengths
2. Prove the naysayers (including the voice in your head) wrong
3. Work on your weaknesses- definitely
4. Execute what you practiced (without execution, the best laid plans will never actualise anything)
5. Learn from greatness (it’s important that you have people to look up to. Social media affords us the opportunity to learn from people who have worked the path ahead of us (distant mentoring)- ensure you are following the right people (and a little secret- you will gain more value from mid-career mentors than those at the top of their career- those ones are tired already and all you’ll get out of them is- To God be the Glory. Or to be fair, unless you are a step or a few steps behind them, the mentoring may not be fit for purpose))
6. Learn from wins and losses (every loss is a lesson, learn it- move on)
7. Practice mindfulness
8. Be ambitious (within reason but by all means; shoot for the stars)
9. Believe in yourself and your team (always have a team- personal and professional, which complements each other)
10. Learn storytelling; share your wins, blow your trumpet (if you don’t tell your story yourself, another will tell it and cast him/herself as the star)

*Adapted from Kobe Bryant’s 10 rules

So, in wrapping up, I think CE Diary Series should go on a break- We will close this season with this episode, to return shortly with Season 2 and fresh episodes.

However, while we are on break, I remain accessible (a lot of my readers know me personally and can always reach me) and if you cannot reach me personally, please leave a comment and I will revert.

I can hear you all judging and chastising me for going on a break….. its been 16 episodes; 4 months…….. I did stay the course, right? I know you may not agree, but I did. I can pat myself on the back.

I cannot confirm yet how long the break will last, I may share articles in other categories during the break, so please look out for that; subscribe and follow the blog to ensure you get all posts, freshly pressed.

Until next time,

CE

PS: I didn’t ask how you all are doing? How remiss of me. I apologise. How are you doing? Hope Nigeria isn’t dealing with you? Miss me while we are on break! Lots of love!

P.P.S: I’m serious about the free Coaching hours. The feedback from those who have had sessions has been impressive. If you aren’t certain what you stand to benefit, you can do a google search on coaching. You will be glad you took this opportunity.

Sometime in future, I’m going to setup a mentoring community (not anytime soon, I have quite a bit on my plate now)- this community will provide opportunity for multilevel mentoring. If you would like to be part of this community, please let me know. This is me putting it out there. Hopefully, I can implement sooner than later.

Lots of hugs and kisses!

CE

CE Diary Series: E15: When It Rains, It Pours

Hey darlings, how are you doing? How has it been since the last diary series last week. Miss me? Lol

So, we are back to the rains this morning in my corner of the world- after about a week of a hiatus. Today has been a rainy morning for me in all ways. Very inundated. First, I had to drop off something this morning on my way in to work. After enduring traffic to get to that location, I arrive and the business isn’t open so I had to wait. Smh. When they eventually arrive and I make my way back to the office through traffic, I arrive at the office in the middle of a minor crisis, with an already fully booked day. Hence today’s diary series is just going out at past 2pm. I apologise for its lateness. I need a hug or two. I’m nursing a headache and just want to lie down and sleep. When it rains, it pours!

Please let me know I’m not alone in this tired feeling. I need some encouragement, please say something nice to me in the comments. Or you can also share your story(ies) of how when it rains it pours. Positive stories are welcome, when it rains blessings, it pours too. It floods actually- I can testify to this.   

Anyways, no worries. Yes, there are some issues I would rather not deal with but there’s quite a bit of the busyness that I prayed for, actively sought and I am quite grateful to God. Matter of fact, I’m still going into something guaranteed to take up a lot more of my time. I apologise ahead if I am #mia at any point; I will try very hard for that not to happen.

On to some other news, on Monday 25^th July 2022, Nigeria’s Tobi Amusan etched her name in Gold by winning a Gold medal at the women’s 100m hurdles at the World Athletics Championship, after breaking the world record with a time of 12.06 seconds.

25-year-old Tobi Amusan is a Nigerian track and field athlete who specialises in the 100 metres hurdles and also competes as a sprinter. She won the 2022 World Athletics Championships in the 100 metres hurdles, setting a new world record of 12.12 seconds in the semi-final, followed up by a 12.06 in the final to take the gold medal. Tobi isn’t new to athletics and to winning; she was the 2018 Commonwealth and 2018 African champion and is also a two-time African Games champion in the event. She won the Diamond League Trophy in Zurich in 2021 in the 100m hurdles.

Ese Brume also bagged the World championship silver medal- with both ladies being the only Nigerian medallists in the 2022 World Athletics Championship. Congratulations to both ladies!!!

Fam, I didn’t even know a World Athletics Championship was underway until Monday. Nigeria’s abysmal performance so far may explain the press silence but I think it was extreme. Or maybe I’m just not listening to sporting news. In anycase, thank God for Tobi and Ese and congratulations to them.

You know, the athletics championship has got me thinking about how much practice goes into the 12.06 second’s sprint. It truly takes years of practice and dedication- as any athlete can attest to. This is also true of most endeavours; Rome wasn’t built in a day- as its said. I saw something that indicated that behind every overnight success is at least ten years of work and I think that is true. Not everything can be downloaded- unfortunately. We however live in ínstant’ times- instant food, instant gratification; it appears like the more man has sought to make life easy for himself, the more he has complicated it. The fact that most things are easy and instant- or maybe easily accessible- has taken away that strength and resilience that comes from effort and practice.

I’m guilty of this as well, in fairness to us; mankind didn’t make this much advancement for us to continue to live in the past with all of its complications, but once in a while, when we see the result of what could only be tons of practice and we compare it side by side with results from ‘cutting corners’ we wonder if technology hasn’t created more problems than its solved.

Anyways, while I’m here reminiscing, I’m reminded I can only share this diary series with you due to modern technological advancement. And you can only read from me for the same reason. Imagine I had to hand-write multiple copies of each series and dispatch through multiple ravens….. I shudder to think of it.

It’s the last week in July, Monday heralds August. How was this month for you all, hope you had fun, learnt something, did something new, but most of all; I’m proud of you for surviving. We should celebrate each day we survive because, brethren, life isn’t easy. Its worse when you’re doing life in Nigeria. We- Nigerians, deserve to celebrate everyday we survive.

You know, this underscore’s the fact that we cannot afford to be apathetic to the upcoming Nigerian elections. The people we vote in get to decide a significant part of our life- what we pay as taxes, what organisations can invest and thrive in the country, our safety and freedom of movement, speech, association, etc; provision of social amenities, quality of education; etc. Therefore we cannot- not care. Let’s get involved. Start by registering for your PVC. According to INEC, CVR ends on Sunday 31^st July 2022. Please take advantage of the remaining timeframe.

Did I tell you all I have been able to request for a transfer of my voter’s records again? I did it online and I got a confirmatory email that my request has been received and I should get feedback soon. Fingers crossed, hope it works.

I haven’t watched anything on Netflix in the recent past. I haven’t watched much of anything. I’ve been doing more reading than watching- plus there aren’t enough hours in the day!!! I have an R&R weekend coming up though and need you to advise on what’s good for relaxation- what I can see on TV or Netflix (please nobody should say #BBNaija). if you have any other great ideas, please let me know in the comments.

Until next week!

XOXO

CE

CE Diary Series: E14: What’s Your Love Language

Adam and Eve (not really names) had the classic boy meets girl romance. They got to know each other and in the course of the get-to-know-you, Eve shared that one of her love language was receiving gifts 🎁
So Adam jumped on that, he was on a gift giving venture 👍However, because Eve didn’t elucidate that she meant- practical and useful gifts and Adam didn’t ask; his gifts were often ‘useless important‘ i.e: they often were off.
Adam would gift Eve something expensive but not needed at the time and she will demure and say thank you nicely- afterall it was a gift. The thought is what matters. Like when she had hinted at wanting a new laptop but Adam gifted her the latest iPhone! It was more expensive, everyone wanted it but it wasn’t what she wanted or needed. She had a perfectly functional phone but a less than functional laptop. Sis couldn’t keep pretending anymore. She had hinted at what she wanted but uncle went ahead to buy what he felt she should want- which wasn’t a need at that time.
She just had to have a come-to-Jesus conversation.

Hello people, what’s your love language?

According to Dr Gary Chapman, a marriage counsellor; we all give and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. These are called ‘love languages’.
Some love languages are key for some over others, most of these are present in a loving relationship, what varies is the degree to which each is priority for each of us.
I’m bigger on Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts and Quality Time than the other two. Doesn’t mean I don’t give or receive them though. Also, using the Recieving Gifts language, if you give me a useless-important gift; first few times, I’ll be polite, subsequently- abeg abeg abeg!
I remember an experience back in Uni- a toaster brought my friend ice cream on a cold rainy night and we didn’t have a refrigerator.
Girlfriend suffered through what she could of the ice-cream before thrashing it. And she said; this uncle will bring someone peppersoup or hot coffee on a hot night!

Why couldn’t he just ask her 🤷‍♀️ is that such a bad thing?
It’s like gifting me a cake 🙄 or …….. sorry, can’t divulge 😐

By the way, quick digression-I’m convinced Nigerian men’s love language is food and acts of suffering. Give them that and they are happy 👍
Also, who told them- have you eaten’ is the only way to show care? That person has a case to answer.  Please, the same way you guys have told us to stop the boxers and singlet gifting, kindly listen to us- we are not hungry, stop asking us if we’ve eaten. Particularly if a no answer will not result in you sending food.

Anyways, back to love languages; I think its important to understand how your partner wants to be loved. Actually pay attention to what makes them happy or not. Putting aside all pre-conceived notions.

Even beyond relationships, the world has gone beyond one person thinking for the other and gifting accordingly.

In the corporate world; at certain levels we have the Supermarket style compensation package. Where an organisation can say- my budget for the role is N100, how do you want your N100? The individual can choose as an example- a robust health insurance package, a car and one return ticket per annum vs when the organisation says- oh here’s what our health insurance package covers and other benefits are 2 return tickets for you and your family per annum. If the individual has health needs that requires a more robust health insurance; he or she will definitely prefer the ability to choose.

The point is, we need to realise that people are at different stages in their lives at different times and just like the organisation will ask you what’s priority- at that time, we perhaps need to ask our significant other- how would you like to be loved 🤷‍♀️? Takes away assumptions and misses, saves the relationship, time and money too.
Also, in other non-romantic relationships, it’s also important that you teach/show people how to treat you- what works for you and doesn’t.

I know its impossible for any one person to meet all the requirements of another but in my opinion; clarity ensures that while you cannot provide all the requirements, you aren’t misusing the available resources and giving the person what he/she doesn’t need. So that someone doesn’t say take me out and As definition of going out is the cinemas while B’s definition is Nkwobi joint. They spend the same amount of money and one or both of them are dissatisfied.
Ask.
And when asked, clarify. 

If the other person now refuses to listen and learn 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ you will know you tried.

Knowing and meeting a person’s love language is key because it cuts across emotional, mental, physical and financial needs even to the spiritual. That’s why it’s a problem when it’s out of sync.

Or what do you think? Is there a way to hack this love language thingy such that both parties are in sync? Have you been able to or are you navigating it currently? Will it be a deal breaker for you if the other party isn’t meeting your needs? Certainly there will be some that are key over others, how do we communicate that without seeming ungrateful?

I remember a famous but chaotic couple whom the wife shared that she hated her wedding. Husband had gone all out with the bells and whistles- wedding was beautiful with all the key people whereas the wife wanted a smaller event without so much bells and whistles 🤦‍♀️

I cannot imagine myself being in that kinda situation. Well, I wouldn’t have let it happen if I had a say in it. And if someone tries to surprise me????? I hate surprises, it’s a bad idea with me. If you ask me and I tell you what I want, I will be very much happier with it than you go all surprise-y and gift me something I don’t want. If you’re lucky and you get something I like, good for you. But there’s a 95% chance you won’t.  Better to ere on the side of caution.

But that’s me, how about you? Have you been in a similar situation where your significant other got your needs wrong, how did that situation pan out, what did you do?
Share with us in the comments. Or do you need to let a certain someone know your love language? Send me  I can deliver the message at no cost 🙂 just let me know in the comments.

Anyways, have you all heard? INEC says the continously voters registration ends on 31st July i.e in about 11 days time. Fam, we are on a home stretch, have we all registered? We just have give or take ten days to do that, lets please step up and register to vote.

Until next week!

Do write back to me, like and share this article. I see you all my silent army; thank you so much 💓

🤗😘🤗😘
CE

PS: Post is late because I’m experiencing technical challenges. Please forgive any technical glitches 😘

CE Diary Series: E13: Hey You!

How are you doing? Hope you had a restful weekend? 4 full days 😁 how did you spend it?

Hope you practiced self-care. remember, …..

Today is the first work day in the week, are you back at work for the short work week- 3 days. Or did you not have a holiday at all? You know us 9-5ers tend to overlook the fact that holidays for us are busy periods for others. I needed to matt my hair on Sunday, and I was pleasantly surprised at the number of businesses which were open. I stepped out on Monday as well and almost all businesses were open. Even in the formal sector, there are some essential workers who cannot take time off. We see you, we appreciate you, well-done.

In any case, I hope we are all refreshed. I hope we didn’t spend the time off stressing (like I did) or in fuel queues (like half of Lagos did). Most likely most of us rolled out of bed early this morning as against the past 4 mornings- if you did; pele my dia! I’m going to share a few tips that helps me get back to work– these should work for you if it’s just post-holiday blues. However, if you’re burnt-out, that will require a deeper intervention.

1. If you need help from your alarm to wake up in time; turn on your alarm a day before you’re to resume work. As an example, if you turned off your alarm for the weekend, you need to have set it to wake you up at the work time on Tuesday (yesterday). And you need to have gotten up with the alarm. You can go back to sleep or rest later in the day- but you need to prime your body to get up with the alarm a day before.
2. Prepare for work the day before. Outline the clothes for the week, shoes, pack your bags, ensure everything is handy against the work morning. Meal prep too if that’s your thing.
3. Return to your eating pattern the day before. The holidays: especially the one that’s just passed is a time for a lot of people to binge eat. That’s why some of us emerge from it a few kg heavier. Unless its your regular snacking pattern; you need to return to your eating pattern a day before- otherwise, your first day back at work will seem very difficult for you because all you’ll think about is food. I try to stick to my meal timings even when I’m home- its easier to do at home than when you’re outside your home but we need to try.
4. Decompress. It is critical you minimally think of work while you’re on vacation as against stressing about it. Its perhaps impossible to not think about work, however the level to which you think about work indicates if you’re engaged or stressed. Minimal healthy thoughts- engaged. Obsessive, panicked thoughts- you’re probably somewhere on the stressed- burn out spectrum.
5. Create a to-do list. For me, sometimes its mental, other times, I actually write stuff down. But I’ve found that it does help centre you. You have a certain idea of how your morning will start; what’s urgent and what isn’t. Caveat- you may not always follow your to-do list. I don’t! several times you find that there are other more pressing matters waiting to be attended to, however, a pre-documented to-do list helps you to not lose sight of those things that ought to have been done.

I’m a big list or note writer. I think my notes app is my most used app on my phone. I also write traditional hand-written notes. It’s a mix of personal behavioral traits and professional- I periodically report my activities, if I don’t keep track, I will lose sight of quite a bit that’s been done.

Like the old Chinese proverb says…..

So, it’s getting dry in here 😪 I haven’t heard from you all in a minute. I need you all to write back to me in the comments section. How did you spend the weekend, I want all the deets 😍

My birthday was Monday 11th July, I spent it with family basking in love 🥰 thank you my darlings for all for all the love, warm wishes and gifts, I love ❤ you all 😘😘😘😘😘

The movie- Prophetess premiered on Netflix recently and I kick started my weekend with it.

It’s my first Toyin Abraham comedy. She acted as Prophetess Ajoke in the movie. A ‘fake’ Prophetess whose 2/3 prophecies were lucky hits and she became an Internet sensation with all eyes and bets on her 3rd prophecy to come through.

I found it hilarious with some underlying messages like- actions have consequences.

This was evident through the movie- from the Prophetess’ racket, to the influencer who live streamed what ought to be a private moment, to the guy who placed a bet with surgery money- actions have consequences.

Another important lesson is Jogo’s actions. He was very vested in the team winning their match because he had bet on them due to Ajoke’s prophecy. I’m sure at that point he appeared like the people’s champion- he was fighting on their side. However, the betting company paid him off (bribed him) and…….. 🤷‍♀️

That my darlings is what happens with most ‘activists’. There’s always an underlying reason to all activism and its seldom altruistic. Always ensure you know the other person’s why before you jump on their battle.

Star studded movie by Niyi Akinmolayon parading- Kehinde Bankole, Lateef Oladimeji, Blessing Obasi, Tina Mba, Stan Nze, Deyemi Okanlawon, Uzor Arukwe, etc.

I’ll give it a 🌟🌟🌟 or maybe 🌟🌟🌟🌟 you all need to calm down 😋 the movie clearly states it genre, so don’t go watching it expecting to learn something new like new words in Akeelah and the Bee. 

I also completed season 3 of Unmarried– an Africa Magic series and….. I’m actually asking myself why I watched this long.

Well, first it was funny, then with each episode the incredulity built 😪

It’s about 3 ladies, thirtyish- the series started out with one of them being married (Nengi), another (Kamsi) living with her partner with which she had 2 children and the 3rd- single (Funbi).

Over the series, Nengi has gotten divorced, Kamsi has tied the knot with her partner, separated a few times and Funbi has been engaged twice- I think.

Folu Storm’s character- Kamsi is a total wreck. She’s a classic example of someone they are following from the village. She and her husband Lotanna are a train wreck.

Nengi- my description of her cannot be shared on a blog rated G.

Funbi….. no words

Are people really that foolish 😕 Are ladies really that foolish? Is this are a perfect example of birds of a feather 🪶 their behaviour complements each other? Or is it one more series written about women by someone who has zero experience of women and/or how they act.

Or maybe I just don’t know those kind of women. I’m trying to not be judgmental or hypocritical but….. or maybe, I can’t relate because I haven’t walked in their shoes. Possibly.

Anyways, I’m irritated I watched it this long and my rating is 👎👎👎👎 😕

I took out one 👎 because I do love how they ALWAYS have each other’s back. And people, that is the case with most female friendships. Don’t allow people sell you the women hate themselves diatribe. If you haven’t found your tribe, that’s ok, because when you do, you will experience the love that comes from genuine friendship. Not everyone will be in your corner, you aren’t in everyone’s corner; so that’s fair.

Anyways, election season continues, all the political parties have confirmed their front runners and their running mates. I trust we have continued the PVC drive and everyone has their PVC or is working towards it…..

Until next week… Don’t forget to like, comment, share, subscribe.

Lots of love!

Chinma

CE Diary Series: E12: Is Anyone In This Government Still Working?

Hey people, how are you doing?

Today is the 6^th of July 2022, its my birth month, my birthday is in 5 days!!! 💃 💃 💃 💃 💃

So, I’m a big birthday person until its actually time to either celebrate or do something about it. Then I cannot be bothered. I haven’t ever had a party or a birthday shoot in my entire life- heck, I haven’t ever had a photoshoot for anything. And that’s weird given that I’m such a picture person.

Anyways, for me it’s the gifts and good wishes I look forward to the most. Please, I’ve started receiving. Kindly send the gifts across. Some pointers-  no cake. Unless you can guarantee its milk and sugar free with oat flour preferably 😀 I’m sure by now you agree with me on no cakes? Clothes and shoes are acceptable; but then you have to know my sizes, style and what I want. See if you’re getting a headache already with the thought of what to get me- cash is king darling 😘

I think for at least 5 years or so I have always taken time off around my birthday. Its my one confirmed annual vacation time. Unfortunately, due to a job change I can’t take time off yet- well as extended as I do. But….. guess what fam, there’s a public holiday on my birthday!!! 😊

Can you beat that? I’m such God’s favorite that He just had to make that work for me- ignore whatever secondary reason is given for the holiday. So, as usual; I’ll be home, soaking in all the love and affection- isn’t that great 💃 💃 💃 💃 💃

Anyways, how are you all doing? How has your week been? The queues are back- fuel queues; I mean and its looking like; can the Nigerian citizen just catch a break?

The power situation is terrible, we have to spend hours trying to get fuel to power our refrigerators at the very least. My tired is tired. Thankfully, with the rains, the heat situation is sorted.

I have a question- is someone, anyone still working in this administration or have we abandoned all semblance of governance and focused on politics?

It doesn’t appear like anyone is still working. I caught on the news that the ASUU strike has entered its 140^th day- that’s almost 5 months and counting, and…. wow. If you think this isn’t your problem because you can afford private or foreign tuition for your children or wards; let me tell you a little something; you see those people who are currently in government institutions- strike ridden with gutter level standards of education- they are our future leaders. They will be the ones to work in government establishments and rise to positions of power- maybe not in your own time, but in your ivy league educated children’s time and the same frustrating cycle continues.

Don’t believe me? Which of the current contestants has an ivy league education? How many or which director in a government ministry and/or parastatal has one? The few who do are unable to make any real change because they are stifled by their colleagues who are a product of a broken system and have no idea on how to bring about any meaningful change.

My sister sent me a message around 4am yesterday; there were already on the road in order to beat traffic. 4 AM! They got to the office around 8 or so. Over 4hours. I’m not a civil engineer but I do know it doesn’t have to be that difficult. Does it? Do people and livelihoods have to suffer before a road construction can be completed? Perhaps if the people in charge knew modern methods- maybe just maybe the story will be different. We’ve been enduring hardships during road construction since before I was born. I refuse to believe better construction methods haven’t evolved.

Sisi also said she was going to queue for fuel and I couldn’t help but remember all the reasons we have had fuel scarcity this year. If I’m not mistaken, this is the third time. First it was that fuel with the wrong specifications was imported; and this brings me back to the quality of the people in positions of power. Imagine a private organization and all the individuals who were supposed to be checks to ensure this doesn’t happen for some reason laxed- or so we are made to believe. I imagine heads will roll- people will be held accountable from the top down to the last person. But….. absolutely nothing from the government.

If there was someone in the position of power who will not tolerate anyhowness, this will not happen. But alas…….

So, after you have worked hard and amassed wealth, the Nigerian government university trained NNPC staff will fail to do his or her job and you will buy fuel with the wrong specs which will damage your car. This is just one example.

Here’s another- the guy in the presidency or in CBN, making economic and fiscal policies but who doesn’t understand economics will still affect the value of your plush income.

See why it is our collective problem?

I’m actually curious- we are less than a year from general elections. INEC usually uses university professors as REC or something. Will they be called upon while the strike is on? Or will have a hurried agreement a few months to election. If we do, do the lecturers not know they are being used or they just don’t care?

It is well.

To be clear- I’m a product of mostly government schools. While the standard of education a few years ago wasn’t this bad; it also wasn’t enough to prepare me for the world of work- in the private sector. I had to be re-educated- matter of fact; I’m still learning. Some of my colleagues have also share their re-education story. So, yes I do know what I’m saying 😞

Moving on; on Movies, Series and TV this week- I started Castle and Castle (lastma, I know). Its ok. Entertaining enough but nothing to write about or look forward to.

So we have a holiday coming up- what are your plans- I hope rest features somewhere there. That’s my only plan. You should try it too. Remember, rest is a productive activity.

In wrapping up; have you registered for your PVC or collected if you had previously registered? Let me tell you a little story- I have a colleague whose wife is an INEC staff and I reached out to him to confirm how to go about transferring my polling unit- again. I am yet to pick up my PVC after the first transfer.

My colleague opened up that his wife is an INEC staff but rarely goes to work so she will most likely not know.

A bit of background; my colleague has over 10years corporate experience, pulls his weight doesn’t pass the bulk, is punctual. But is comfortable with his wife earning salary for no work done. He knows very well he cannot do this in the private sector but is permissible in the public sector. At the end of the day ehn, we are our own problems.

Anyways, until next week…..

Lots of love! ❤ 😍 💖

Chinma

CE Diary Series: E11: Fake it Till You Make It?

I read this article on Why Do Poor People Waste Money on Luxury Goods and it was sobering. I have never been an advocate of fake it till you make it, I rather prefer to maximise the available and get the best possible value for you money. However, reading this put some people’s choices in perspective and I understand better.

We live in a world where it’s a crime to be poor. The poor are met with inhumane treatment, while the rich are revered. The surprising thing here is that this treatment is also mostly from the poor themselves. If you doubt me, drive into a place, say a bank; drive in and withdraw N5k. Stroll in the next day on foot and withdraw a N100k. you will see the difference in treatment from the security staff down to everyone you come across. The greeting you will get when you are behind the wheels is different from when you walk in- that’s if you get any. It doesn’t matter if the car you are driving is owned 99% by the bank through loans and the guy on foot doesn’t have any debt. The person on foot will be treated worse than the person on wheels.

A senior manager once insisted on the use of a Prado jeep to attend a meeting at the head office of a popular bank. The Prado wasn’t available on said day, the Admin team offered the use of a Corolla but this was promptly turned down. Why? On arrival at the bank entrance, a Prado (or a jeep) will be allowed to drive in and drop off its passengers at the bank entrance, while a saloon car will be directed straight to the annex car park. Its passengers have to walk in- same as those who pull up in legedez benz. Or maybe the security staff will still open the gate for those who came in a saloon car, while walk-ins have to open the gate themselves. Lol!

Ok, ditch the wheels. Try wearing formal clothes, well made traditional outfit or even casuals that look designer to a place, and visit the same place with worn casuals or okrika. We will love to hear your experience.

People defer to wealth or some semblance of it. Success is ascribed to you when you look the part. In every industry there’s some measure of success and everyone fuses into it. In the corporate world- it’s the clothing, accessories and car. In the entertainment industry it’s the bling, cars, house, etc etc.

If you think class distinction is a myth, you are wrong. Even the 1% discriminate from the other 9% that make up the top 10%.

So, for most of us who are struggling, perhaps 1^st or 2^nd generation middle class, there is that subtle struggle to always appear very well put together. Truth is, for most its not to show off. Its just to access the very basic opportunities.

Walk into a government office looking average, work into a government office looking successful- you will see the difference in treatment. It’s a mix of an anticipation of a bribe, plus wariness because they do not know who you know, plus an acknowledgement that you probably know what good likes like.

It’s that last part I want to speak on- when people perceive you know what good looks like; they won’t offer substandard. You will most likely be extorted but on the average, you will also get good service. Good tradeoff? I think so, but I’ll let you decide.

Even in the informal sector; customers and consumers typically gravitate towards a business that looks successful versus one that doesn’t. Faced with options of a scantily filled business place and one filled to the brim with goods, most people will walk into the ‘happening’ business. It’s the reason you will not negotiate at the supermarket or a luxury store but will haggle with a small business owner- the roadside seller. That perception of a successful business signals to you that your purchase is just a drop in an ocean and serves to humble you to fall in line. Versus a smaller business.

Remember, the point here isn’t to live above your means, it’s a call for you to make the best use of available resources knowing that you are addressed as you are dressed i.e: as you appear.

They say; don’t judge a book by its cover but….. please confirm if anyone reads a book to the end before they make a buying decision? What informs a buying decision? The excerpts, the review, the summary, the author’s brand, the books design, etc. all this can be gleaned in the first 30 seconds or so. What’s your excerpt, what’s your brand, how do you present yourself? Fam! Work on your cover! Build your personal brand. Someday soon I will do an article on personal branding. However, I will stop here for now.

Anyways, how are you doing? 1^st half of the year is almost over- and I mean this in the most non-pressured way ever. How are you doing?

On movies, series and TV this week,… I watched Glamour Girls, and….

It was ok. I’ve seen quite a bit of opinions on it and…. maybe we all need to calm down.

Or, here’s my POV- movies for me are a way to relax. So, I’m looking for mild drama and entertainment really. Like I said, something to take my mind of reality for 2hours.

Glamour girls- was ok. Met my entertainment requirements. I liked the acting from the ladies- Nse 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Sharon, @tokstarr, Joselyn, etc.

Storyline had some cracks; their editor needs to do better.

I enjoyed this remake better than Rattlesnake and Nneka the Pretty Serpent (all remakes). Given that I cannot remember the story line of the originals, I think this isn’t bad.

I love how they brought back the queen’s (Gloria and Dolly) for a cameo. Great touch 👍

I didn’t sleep through it (it’s a measure- I slept through you people’s 007 fave-Skyfall 😀)

It was entertaining, I’ll give it 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Have you all seen it? What do you think?

Also, I finished season 1 of the Lincoln Lawyer. Patiently waiting for Season 2 😁

PVC drive continues; INEC has extended the timeline for registration by 2 months I heard. Let’s all take advantage of it.

I wasn’t going to talk about this, cos it’s still hurting. But…. be careful what you wish for. Sometimes a savior/saving act isn’t necessary- work with what you have and make it work.

Brief summary- there was something I expected another to do for me, even fought about said person not doing it for me. So, occasion arose and person stepped up…… and….. anything that could go wrong did. A week down the line, problem not solved, relationship frayed, lesson learnt- sometimes just let certain things be.

Sorry, cannot give more details than that 🤩

Until next week!

XOXO

If this episode has resonated with you, don’t forget to like, comment, subscribe and share.

I see y’all private chats, I see your support; its much appreciated- and… lets bring it to the blog please 😁

Lots of love!

CE

CE Diary Series E10: Do You!

I was having a conversation with some people from Multichoice and of course they asked about my program and channel preference and which streaming platform I preferred.

Me- currently Netflix. I was going to subscribe to Showmax for the Real Housewives of Lagos but I started seeing so much cat fights and I’m like- this isn’t the kinda entertainment I want

Them- really? you’re missing! Beyond the catfights there’s so much drama and entertainment

Me- ok. Perhaps I will have a relook and reconsider

I haven’t ever watched any of the Real Housewives franchise but I thought it was going to be a la desperate housewives not catfights on who ruined whose marriage and other such irrelevancies.

We laughed about it, but it got me thinking- why do we find women drama and catfights entertaining such that there are so many of them. I can understand the entertainment company’s angle, they are meeting a need- supply follows demand, so where there’s a demand; supply will definitely follow. What I cannot understand is the demand- that is- why do we like drama, gossip and catfights so very much such that the media companies are feeding this need.

I’m not sure which it is- does it stem from the bias that women cannot coexist in peace or does it feed that bias? Chicken and the egg, which came first?

Over the years we have been socialized to believe women are their own worst enemies- women cannot coexist in peace… bla bla bla. It’s become a part of our belief system, we automatically come to expect rancor when more than one woman is in a place. Is that really the case or…. Is it basically a case of competition amongst humans- men included? But because its among women, we magnify and blow it out of proportion.

Dr. Ola Brown (@NaijaFlyingDr on Twitter) often quotes news headlines that show men disagreeing with a ‘men supporting men’ in response. These headlines would have been given a women hate women sentiment if it were women involved but because its men, its normal. Fact is; people always magnify situations when women disagree and/or compete while overlooking the fact that men do this everyday without the commensurate backlash, and that this is practically a regular facet of life- people disagree, compete, fight; regardless of their gender, tribe or race. Twin siblings raised in the same circumstances disagree, how much more two different people with different opinions, orientation, wants and needs.

Right beside this flawed sentiment is the belief that women in positions of power are proud and overbearing. I remember a scene in ‘The Smart Money Woman’ series. Where Lala’s assistant (a man) was mouthing off to her. Lala (his line manager) had asked him for a research and he had said he will get to it later (cannot remember clearly), but someone else; I think Lala’s boss requested for the same exact details and the Associate jumped at it. When Lala engaged him on this behavior; he said the usual things- women in positions of power are overbearing, he has her type at home and cannot be taking instructions from a woman, etc. etc.

Both the myth that women are their own worst enemies and the myth that women in positions of power are unbearable are in the same whatsapp group. There are sentiments geared at keeping women small. You cannot be angry, cannot show emotion- lest you are termed emotional. Yet men do the same every single day. 1960 to present a man has succeeded another man in ruling Nigeria. Men have plotted coups against each other, men have competed at the polls for leadership positions- against each other; and its all been waved off as politics. But imagine a woman becomes president today and another woman contests against her at the next general election- we will not hear the end of how women do not support their own. The very same thing men have been doing since time immemorial- that is normal.

Can you begin to see why I think that believe/sentiment is a fallacy aimed at keeping us down? Us women have also so internalized it that we now propagate it as truth. We have dimmed ourselves so much that the few who dare stand out are seen as abnormal. How? Why?

I’m not going to tell anyone what to believe, my advise to everyone is always to DO YOU! What you must not do though, is to not do anything- not live. Do you need to read that again? You must not-not do anything. Time is moving very fast, time will not stop for anyone, you also cannot wait for a ‘perfect’ time to act. There will never be a perfect time. There will never be perfect circumstances. We all have to work within the available constraints.

Don’t do it alone though, find your tribe- find like-minded people to go the distance with. Network horizontally and vertically up and down. Learn from those who have gone ahead of you, who are walking the same path and those who are coming behind you.

Also, pay attention to who you hang out with, who you listen to, etc etc. I should flesh this out next week or so. It deserves its own post. Do subscribe to ensure you don’t miss it when it drops.

So, moving on and wrapping up, last weekend I started ‘The Lincoln Lawyer’ on Netflix. I’m loving it so far. Who has seen it? Do you like it? What’s good on Netflix, please recommend in the comments.

Finally, I’m sure you know already I cannot end an episode without asking how you are? How are you grappling with the fuel scarcity?

Its so sad that we are back here just a few months after the last. This time, I’m not very certain what the cause is. I hear the Independent Marketers say the landing cost has increased and the pump price needs to also increase to cover their costs. I hear the usual suspect- NNPC isn’t importing so they are at the mercy of the independent importers whose landing cost is higher than the government pegged pump price. What I do not understand though is how that affects supply- are some of the industry operators hoarding fuel to force an increase with the government being its usual incompetent mess? Looks that way to me. Last time we were here, we moved from N162 to N165. This time, I hear we may move to N180.

It is well.

The fuel scarcity comes with a ripple effect across all other dependent factors with the citizens bearing the brunt. Increased cost of living. Seriously, every Nigerian deserves an annual certificate of survival. We are going through a lot! Last week, I asked if we have light, this week; we still do not have light but now we also do not have fuel to power our generator.

I pray peace everyday for us all, I pray we are able to find some wins as we navigate daily. I pray success in all that we do.

I hope you see why we cannot afford to be complacent about the electoral process. Get your PVC people, and come February 2023; go out and vote!

Until next week!

Lots of love!

CE

PS: I just realised this is the 10th episode of the diary series. TEN weeks of consistent writing! Wow!

Thank you for reading, thank you for being there, thank you for the support; the on blog and off blog comments; thank you all!

CE Diary Series E9: Dear People, Do You Have Light?

So……. Fam! What is it with the Nigerian power grid and collapsing? 2022 has been all shades of terrible electricity wise and I just cannot understand it! Power supply is usually better in the rainy season but this year? The reverse is the case. The national grid’s collapse every Nkwo market day points to the likelihood of serious long term neglect of the power industry. Before anyone can point to the administrations 1999 – 2015, think about it; if the current administration had actually done any work in the power sector, we won’t have this many collapses in their final year. Someone said it’s collapsed 5 times already January to date. I cannot confirm this, but it does seem like its more (count using Nkwo market days).

Conspiracy theory- or maybe a walk down memory lane reminds me that late 2014, 2015 pre-election was also this bad and the power situation enabled the current administration to be able to campaign on improved power supply if elected- a promise they didn’t meet. But like I said; conspiracy theory- is it sabotage or……. Maybe whatever interventions are put in place are usually short term and go bad before their term runs out. (like when you buy a fake product that should last 4 years, it starts dying from its 3^rd year). 

I don’t know. I’m not sure what the problem is but I do know I’ve been getting terrible service.

Anyways, hello darlings, how are you all doing?

How are you enjoying the unfurling political season? Are you ATIKUlated, BATified or OBIdient (leading candidates presented in alphabetical order). More importantly, do you have your PVC and do you intend to vote?

INEC is listening and has promised to extend the voters registration- lets do our part to take advantage of this. And actually vote.

Will our vote count? Here’s my thought- voters intimidation is a valid concern- but…. if a polling booth has 200 registered voters and all 200 of them turn out. And there’s at least 200 at every polling booth; I stand to be corrected but I’m almost certain there aren’t 100 hoodlums to be deployed to every polling station to cause mayhem. In this case, there’s actually strength in numbers.

I realise the above is a simplistic view to the situation but we can only try. We have to try. What we must not do is sit back and fold our arms and wait for a savior because; no one is coming to save us! We either save ourselves (through the ballot box) or live with the consequence.

And if we give up before the battle???

Here’s a word for when you want to give up.

In any case, last week I said we were going to discuss the trending stories of how weddings put pressure on friends and family. From outrageous cost of asoebi, to expectations on body size, hair do and hair cut and other such personal grooming. I have however seen many people speak about it, urging sense on all sides in light of the economic realities such that I feel all has been said and a post on it is unnecessary.

A word is enough for the wise

More than enough has been said already and if you don’t get it? Forgerrit! 🤷

Lets talk instead about what we got up to over the democracy weekend. Did you rest? Did you have fun? Did you get some stuff sorted?

I was team- get stuff sorted. Lol. It was a busy weekend for me, had quite a bit to sort out but I still found some time for some Netflix (without the chill).

I watched Breaded life and the entire season 1 of Savage Beauty. But I want to talk about Breaded Life and Bimbo Ademoye!

Maximum respect! I soooo love her range!

Have you all seen Breaded life? I whoolly recommend. I have to admit though, its not a riveting story but I love Bimbo and she delivered! She ate the Todowede role and left no crumbs! Notable acting also from Timini Egbuson, Tina Mba, Bisola Aiyeola, Lateef Adedimeji, etc etc….. although not a suspenseful story; I was very vested in how the story will end- how they will bring it all together and it was quite ok.

My rating- 🌟🌟🌟🌟

Stellar cast, good acting, costume, location, top notch.

Subtle undertone is how it showed how the margin between the location of the rich and poor is very thin- like behind every affluent area, you have the slums. Todowede hawks bread from the slums to the affluent.

Back to Sowede; she played an Egun bread seller; got their accent down to pat. She was kind hearted, firm, street smart, generally someone everyone will like to have in their corner. a G! 🥰🥰

I like that Bimbo keeps getting versatile roles, it’s probably because she has shown versatility too. She hasn’t been typified into any niche and I love that. She delivers too!

I’m going to spin off lightly from that to speak about us delivering spectacularly on our task as against delivering bare minimum. The reward for good work is more work. What that means really is; when you deliver on the task set before you, more responsibilities (higher responsibilities) will be required of you.

To paraphrase Luke 16:10; he who is faithful in little will be faithful in much.

I realise there are constaints, I realise there are forces beyond us but it behoves us to always give at least 100% and to always be prepared for more.

Enjoy the rest of your day and week. Rainy morning- showers of blessings, so I’ll leave you with the words of the age old nursery rhyme-

The day is bright, its bright and fair

Oh happy day, the day of joy

The day is bright, its bright and fair

Oh happy day of joy!

XOXO

CE

CE Diary Series: E8: We Are Hiring!

Sunday morning 5th June, IKEDC restored power after over 48 hours of black out.

I turned on the blender, oven, every appliance I needed electrical power for. 8.30am I set off to drop off mommy at church, 9am I tuned into House On The Rock service.

I thoroughly enjoyed service although- confession; I’m one of those who do every other thing while in online service. Yesterday wasn’t any different.

It was sometime around 2pm I think, that I was settled enough to see what’s happening online. Then I saw some tweets about an attack on a church in #owo Ondo State.

I immediately went to WhatsApp to check the status of someone I know who lives in #owo and her status confirmed. I reached out to find out how she was while surfing for the full gist.

Brethren, I’m still heartbroken.

A part of me wonders how I can still be affected by these terrorist attacks given that they are now par for the course. Like there’s one every other day now. While the other part rejoices that me being affected means I’m yet to loose my sense of humanity.

I think.

Which begs the question, where did the sponsors and perpetrators of this evil lose their humanity?

While we are pondering on that question, another pertinent question to ask is- what is our government doing about this insecurity situation besides ‘condemning’!

Securing the lives of Nigerians is their core function but from all indications, they are incompetent at this. Its one incident after the other, one attack after the other- the previous emboldening the perpetrators further!

I repeat- security is a core function of the government.

If you hire someone to do a job and the person fails at the core function of that role, that’s a recruitment error.

We have committed some recruitment errors in the past, another opportunity is around the corner.

Once again, We Are HIRING!

Yes, Nigerians are hiring. We are hiring for the office of the president, governors, senate, House of Representatives and Assembly- and we the citizens are the employers.

Less than 2 months ago, it was the train attack with several more in between.

We cannot afford to be apathetic. Every one of us cannot japa. 180 million or 200 million of us cannot japa! Even if you do, can you migrate all your family and loved ones?

We have to try; we have to participate. If you think your vote does not count, why do politicians buy votes?

Let that sink in.

‘Most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any’ Alice Walker.

We need to critically participate and scrutinise every candidate and vote based on who we feel will do the best work. I strongly suggest we critically scrutinise our options before we vote, because our lives and livelihood depends on it. We need to be certain of the candidates’ plans from Security to the Economy and everything else in between.

No sentiments, no voting on ethnic, religious or party lines. Only on pure competence.

For our sakes, for our children’s sakes.

So, on to something else, yesterday; Minster Nathaniel Bassey put up a post asking people to share a picture with the name of Jesus on our status and profile picture and to join in a prayer chain for our nation. A number of people compiled with sharing the image, I’m not sure how many complied with the prayer chain but…… the sharing of the image got quite a bit of backlash.

So here’s the thing; I’m a user and consumer of the internet and I’ve seen all sorts trend. I don’t watch KUWTK, BBN, a number of football matches, this recent show that has women fighting each other; but I will always know what’s happening because people will ALWAYS share on their status, talk about it, etc. I’ve seen trends; Jerusalema, drop it, carry me dey go, etc. and we all ignore or participate as we are inclined. Why is this different?

I’ve seen reactions- people called hypocrites, people urging others to get their PVCs rather than posting the name of Jesus and I’m like- haba! Where do we get off judging people for their choice of what to post? Even if that’s the very first time the person is posting a faith based status, how is that your business or problem? At some point, and with the number of negative feedbacks I was tempted to start asking people if the posts there are so offended by is on their own status. i.e: if Pastor Nathaniel and his followers somehow got control of the nay sayers phone and shared the post they find offensive on their phones. Because I cannot understand the outrage over what people posted on their own devices and profiles. I mean, worst case, if you don’t like it, scroll past or don’t even view their status- I do it. There are some people I don’t view their whatsapp status because in the past I have either seen something I find offensive or their status are just not beneficial to me. I didn’t engage them on it, I just muted them and everyone is happy.

Why can we not do that on this case and move on?

If you think people are hypocrites for sharing a faith based status; know something? Its not your place to judge.

If you think people should rather act than pray and/or share faith based status; here is another shocker- you can walk and chew gum at the same time. I.e. you can pray, share a faith based status and get your PVC and vote, while still maintaining a full life. One thing doesn’t negate the other.

Honestly, the church gets too much flack considering its active participation in our communities. Churches build hospitals, schools, sponsor education, provide food and shelter as necessary and recently a number of churches have setup PVC pre-registration hubs. The church leadership is actively citizens to participate in the electoral process. If at some point it asks people to pray as well. Please; either pray or move on.

If I hear a call to worship from a faith contrary to mine; I ignore. If I hear a call to action that resonates with me; I participate. I don’t judge others for either ignoring or participating because I do the same according to the situation.

Live and let live. Let he/she who will not do, not judge another for doing!

Unfortunately, I don’t see this much outrage for the people we actually employ- Public servants. The people feeding fat on our collective wealth without doing any work.

Unfortunately, there’s no sweetness and light diary series this week. There’s too much happening- I had wanted to talk about all of the posts on asoebi, bridesmaids body size preferences and weddings generally. I’ll shelve that for next week.  

We pray for a better next week.

A bit of something that may make you smile; remember when I said there was a smoldering a few weeks ago? One of the smoldering issues is I changed workplace. Resumed on Monday and drove to and from there on Monday and Tuesday. This morning, yours truly faced the road to her former office and only realized her mistake after she had missed her turn. 😃😃

Then google map took me on a merry go round that saw me 15minutes late to work when I could have arrived 15minutes before resumption. 🙄🙄

I hear we can call APC presidential primaries already by a landslide.

Anyways! Until next week!

🤗😘🤗😘

Chinma

CE Diary Series: E7: Is The Society’s Moral Standard Worsening?

I was having a conversation with colleagues on recent happenings. The conversation spun into how we as a society have lost our morality; which has led to the breakdown of the societal structures. This was in reference to the recent stories of happenings on a certain school trip.

I had and have a different opinion; nothing happening today is new. The difference is just the availability of the Internet to share and amplify. Off course we were divided, we had varied opinions. Some of us agreed that nothing is new, while some argued that the current happenings reflect an erosion of values, families no longer have values- and the family being the bedrock of society has impacted the larger society. A colleague argued that it could be traced to the origin of family; people no longer marry for love but rather for economic reasons and the most recently valid reason- ability to japa. (Japa- for my non Naija readers is a Nigerian slang from 2 Yoruba words- ja and pa- basically meaning to run swiftly. In usage, it means to run swiftly out of the country).

I disagreed.

My point was and is- when in history did people start marrying for love? Marriage based on love is a recent construct. History is filled with marriage made for economic and every other reason but love. Love being a basis for marriage is the exception rather than the norm. I’m Christian so I will draw reference from the Bible- Abraham, Isaac, Mary and Joseph, etc. Accounts where we have something similar to love- Jacob, David, etc. (which in David’s case may well be lust) turned out to be problematic.

Rather than the lack of love being the problem, my opinion is the facade of love is actually the problem.

From time immemorial, marriages were contracted by families, sometimes with the couple meeting themselves on the ‘wedding day’. There has ALWAYS been ulterior motives to marriages, some of them economic too. History is littered with ‘arranged marriages’ and the individuals in the marriages made some, if not most work. It has always been a union of people and families in order to better themselves. There has always been something to gain.

So, what’s the reason for the decayed morality; I don’t know. But the lack of love in marriages isn’t it!

I agree we are less tolerant and that’s because the operating environment is a lot more difficult. Our parents didn’t deal with all we are dealing with today so we may not be able to compare apples for apples. And when I refer to operating environment, I mean- living in a Nigeria where the government is determined to frustrate you. And or living in a US where you don’t know if you’re going to be target practice for a gunman or the police on any given day. I can go on and on, every environment with its peculiar challenges.

Everyone is saturated already and looking for peace. Hence, if you move mad, the other person will choose peace over you.

Like I said, I cannot claim to know the reasons, matter of fact; that’s my reason- peace is premium over companionship- such as it may be. 

What do we think is the reason for the erosion of morality in the society today? Is there actually an erosion or we’ve always been like this, we just didn’t have the Internet to amplify it. What do we think? 🤔 Please let us know in the comments. 

By the way, happy new month! I wish us all a fruitful and rewarding month of June.

Before we go. My Netflix review of the week.

I watched Ayinla! It’s a historical musical film based on the life of Ayinla Yusuf popularly known as Ayinla Omowura, an Apala musician who was stabbed to death by his manager in a bar fight on May 6, 1980.

Attraction for me is that it’s a historical movie; I like historicals. Plus, its directed by Tunde Kelani; with a cast that features; Lateef Adedimeji, Mr. Macaroni, Omowumi Dada, Bimbo Manuel, Kunle Afolayan, Bimbo Ademoye, etc.

Did I like it? It was just there. Prior to the movie, I hadn’t heard of Ayinla Omowura nor his music so I didn’t come to the movie pumped about his life or music.

Rather I watched it because of the cast; Lateef, Mr Macaroni, Bimbo Manuel, Kunle A, Bimbo Ademoye, etc.

I think Lateef had fun in acting this. I felt his enjoyment and how the role was fun for him. I like that. This is also Mr. Macaroni’s first movie that I’ve seen- good acting I must say. The end was a kind off anti-climax. Like; you blink and ask what’s happening and Ayinla has been stabbed. Goes to show you don’t always have to build up to a crescendo. Felt a bit flat, I agree but sometimes; that’s how life is.

Notable moment was the scene where Omowumi’s character asked Kunle A’s if he had any other musician he was working on a London tour for. I stan a focused queen. Babe is about the japa life, I’m almost certain she doesn’t intend to return from a London tour and she wasn’t about to be held back by a lover’s death.

I cannot confirm if that was the film creator’s spin on the story, or if that scene actually happened but if it did; lets piggyback to the opinion that materialism started in the millennials and Gen Z’s generation. Not true, right?

In wrapping up, how are we all doing with the voter’s registration? Have we registered? I’m trying to transfer my details nearer to me. If anyone knows how I can do this, kindly share.

Remember, it is absolutely important that we vote in #NigeriaDecides2023. Why you vote for is totally up to you, but I encourage us to vote. INEC will not count wishes and opinions. Only votes.

If you’re so inclined; ignore the idea of a predetermined 2 horse race. Nothing is ever impossible if you put in some work. However, if you don’t put in any work, the greatest wish cannot make it manifest.

Whatever you do, whatever your choice, please vote. It’s your civic duty.

Apathy will not help us. Another 4 years is time lost. Please vote.

Have a great week you all.

Until next week!

🤗😘🤗😘

Chinma

CE Diary Series: E6: Show Me The Money

Hello dearies, how are you doing? How has the past week been?

Particularly my Nigerian fam, how are we gearing up for #NigeriaDecides2023? Do we have our PVCs? Don’t be like me; get your PVC and vote the candidate who in your opinion will be able to do the most good.

PVC registration closes in June 2022! Prayers, bants, wishes, tweets are not counted. Only votes are.

Beyond getting our PVCs, I wish that a lot more of us will get involved in politics at the grassroots. Currently across political divides; ‘delegates’ are choosing the parties’ representatives. So, it’s the delegates choice that’s going to be on the ballot box and those will be our eventual choices. If the delegates make bad choices, we are stuck with those candidates. We are all smart people, I’m sure we now see the importance of getting involved. ❤

Moving on….. I have to tell you all; if there was any week they won’t be a diary series; its this week. Veeerrryyy busy! But because I love you all (and some of you will beat me if I don’t meet the timeline) 😄 so, here we go. This week, we talk money. Its salary week or almost salary week (whenever your salary is due, you are closer to it today than you were yesterday) 😄

A friend sent me a skit where someone came to ask RMD for money and he (RMD) launched into his own tale of woe- how someone filled his car with aviation fuel and the car started flying…….. a very elaborate hilarious tory that shows he has bigger problems. I totally enjoyed the skit, can relate to the situation and I have shamelessly copied RMDs response.

Fam! Times are hard. Everyone is struggling including that person you see living in a fancy house, wearing nice clothes, driving a fancy car, etc. Everyone is struggling! Including nations and businesses. There’s no money left on the table after bills and the basics of the basics are sorted. Let me tell you all something we all probably know; most people have already budgeted their January 2023 salary. January next year o! That salary is even in deficit- i.e.: so much month and needs after the money has ended.

In addition, there’s a recession looming world over. For Nigeria that has always had high inflation rates 🤷‍♀️

You see all of these my stories? Its pointing to one single factor- there’s no money outside! Not enough for the money earner and not enough for the dependents.

I understand the need, I empathise that it can have you desperate and seeking help. I understand. We all need help. Including the person you are asking for help.

We see and hear so many tales of people asking with all sense of entitlement and putting the other person in a difficult position. Some even go the length of putting pressure and making you out to be a bad person for being unable to help. Ko da nau!

Anyways, this is not a rant session (as much as I may want to vent), rather, this is a public service session. If you’re like me and the rest of the world and have spent the last 2 weeks pressing calculator and trying to get your money to stretch to the end of the month, I’m dedicating this session to some money education. I’m going to share a few money tips that has been shared with me. Hopefully, the greater percentage of us follow this advice 😍

1. Budget– have strict plans for necessities and recurring expenditures like rent, school fees, etc. they aren’t emergencies, budget and plan towards them religiously so you aren’t in an emergency situation. Anything that will distort that budget, anything that isn’t a need; avoid it.
2. Cut back on your spending- I knowwwww, I can hear you all and the feedback that the belt is already too tight, there’s nowhere else to skim but sweeties, we need to, lest things get worse. So, anything that sounds or looks like it isn’t the basic of the basic- cut out!
3. Look before you leap– Avoid risky asset and investments! before aeroplane jam you biko! Avoid ponzi’s and pyramid marketing and any and every such. They will only end in tears. Even for legit investments, look before you leap. A lot of legit businesses will and are being buffeted. Only invest to the extent that your risk appetiete can allow.
4. Look out for your health- health is wealth- physical and mental. Protect both at all cost because that’s one quick money leeching means.
5. Finally- Increase your income– if you can, this is the time to because…. There’s already quite a bit of month after the current money. Anymore bills and our employees will need to be paying the people we owe directly. So, if you can, increase income streams- legitimately.

So, in summary, in all your getting, get money! Take a cue from the wise words below before you are disappointed by the person you are hoping on.

Meanwhile, while the whole world is looking for money; my sister sent me this screenshot below. My sister o! my own sister is dragging me!

Ok o, if you see me waka waka-ing, it’s because they say I should go out o!

Anyways, see you all next week!

Wait, before we go, what have you been up to. Would you like to share with us in the comments? Any money management tips that have worked for you? We would love to hear from you.

Don’t forget to share this article with your friends, family, enemies and haters!

Love you!

CE

CE Diary Series: E5: How Was Your Night?

Hello darlings, how was your night?

That does not sound quite right, right?

Or, it doesn’t to me. I personally find it cringe worthy and rarely answer that question when posed to me.

How did we get to this point where its perfectly normal to ask strangers or relative strangers how their night was? 🤷‍♀️

I mean, if there’s context to it, if you have that kind of relationship; by all means, ask away. But if not, please stick to- how are you?

Or am I the weird one who thinks that question is veeryy invasive? What I find most befuddling is how mainstream this question has become? I consider myself to be contemporary, abreast of trends,…. heck, I know when new words and expressions are added to contemporary dictionary. This one, I think I missed.

Asides the invasiveness of the question, there’s also the fact that without appropriate context and proper knowledge of the person, you shouldn’t ask such questions.

You know how in Nigeria; in order not to offend or to have someone transfer aggression; you sometimes have to apologise ahead when you approach someone- you know how we say- Sorry, please, excuse me.- when we speak to people, lest we offend. It’s pretty much the same principle! Do you want to risk asking an insomniac how their night was? Why can you not just ask the socially acceptable- how are you and move on? 🤔

Lemme share 2 accounts of the numerous ‘how was your night’ I received in the past week. One is from someone I just met recently. This person will type:

GM

How was your night?

Double strikes! Lol

If you know me, you’ll know I’m not comfortable with most abbreviations. How difficult is it to type ‘good morning’ that we have to type GM? 🤷‍♀️ then you now compound it with a ‘how was your night’!

Anyways, said person noticed I would only respond good morning to such and eventually asked and I explained.  

Example 2- I had shared on my stories how we had lost our humanity in reaction to the recent murder of Deborah and someone engaged me on it. She expressed a perspective that elicited further conversation on the subject matter and the chats spilled into the next day.

The next morning, she said; good morning, trust you rested well. I responded: yes, I did and you? 🙂

Same question, two different scenarios; different results. If there’s a context to it, please go right ahead but if not, please don’t ask as yours truly will surely not respond. T for Tenks!

Or do you think my own is too much? 🤔

Well, if it is, it is what it is. It’s necessary to treat and be with people the way they want to.

So, if it works for you and the people you know to ask how their night was, by all means; carry on.

But do not ask me, as I won’t answer.

Meanwhile, how are you?

And I really mean, how are you holding up in the midst of all that’s happening in Nigeria and the world. It really is a difficult time to be alive. 2 mob action killings in one-week, multiple deaths and properties destroyed across the country, etc. etc.

Good old inflation reported to be hovering around 16% and eroding the value of our money.  

It really is a lot to take in.

I’m going to do a quick analysis of how inflation impacts us all.

Let’s say you have N100 and inflation is 16%, what that means is your N100 is actually worth N84 because of inflation and to buy something that was previously priced at N100, you need about N120. So, what you see is the garri that used to be N100 will now be sold at about N120 (adjusting for all other factors). You buy garri slightly more expensive, same thing beans, rice, vegetables, etc.- the Ugu seller will reduce the quantity of the N100 bundle because she is buying it more expensive. So, you now have to buy Ugu worth N150 or even N200 to make the same pot of soup. On and on across all food items and basic needs- all prices and quantities are adjusted for inflation such that at the end of the month, you have spent more than usual on your regular necessities- without changing your tastes. You didn’t swap garri for cauliflower ball food, same taste but you are poorer. That’s what inflation does to us.

So, how are you doing, how are you coping? Would you like to share any coping mechanisms we can learn from? It’s a sad situation 😞 coupled with all the unrest it’s almost depressing. But……. by God’s grace, we will be fine. Amen.

Now on to some entertaining news, how many of you all saw #AMVCA8? I did and….. it was just there. Haute fashion (some too much), interesting wins……

If I could, something I would like to suggest to the organisers; is to point out which awards are decided by the academy and which are by the public’s votes. The viewers having to decipher this was tasking. Or maybe I’m too analytic.

Secondly, and on this I’m open to being educated. How does a movie whose nominees won in the best actor, actress, director categories not win overall best movie? 🤷‍♀️  I didn’t particularly enjoy said movie but I have some knowledge of leading and lagging indicators- the leading indicators pointed to a win for Rattlesnake but somehow it didn’t win best overall. Again, maybe I’m too analytical because what’s leading and lagging indicators in movie awards 😄

Anyways, this past weekend was a TV weekend, no Netflix 😁 so no movie reviews.

Did I tell y’all the twins are home? Oh yes! they are and looking as handsome as ever 😍 eating so much, Im looking for a way to liqueify fufu so it can hold them 6 – 6! Lmao!

So, I’ve got to go, but like I said; I would like to know about your week and weekend. Tell me all about it in the comments.

I shall be here, seated, waiting for your comments

Until next week, lots of ❤

XOXO

Chinma

CE Diary Series: E4: Some Smoldering and a conversation on Perspective

Darling reader, do you ever have those moments where you’ve prayed for something and when it comes you’re filled with a mix of joy, hope, and some caution? When you ask yourself if this is actually it! Well, I’m there now, something is smoldering. About to launch into the deep- maybe not so deep (I should aim to be less dramatic) but about to make a change though that though a long time coming, I’m still doing afraid.

Nonetheless, I’m doing it and I will tell you all about it down the road. So, you know the drill, do ensure you subscribe so you can get the gist(s) as e dey hot!

So, how are you all doing? How has the week been, hope you had a fab weekend? I had a great one. So, I’ve had a busier than usual week. So much smoldering; and I’ll announce in due time.

Now on to the weekend- it started with great news; my darling aunt had twin babies 💃💃💃💃💃 we are so grateful to God and overjoyed at the blessings. I’m so overjoyed I’m naming them both Chukwudinma (after yours truly ☺). When I saw them on Sunday morning, my heart melted, my ovaries quickened. I kid you not, they look so beautiful ❤ I felt like going home with them ☺

Saturday was chores day- took up more than half of the day. The other half I spent hanging out with one of my teams at Rufus and Bee.

Sunday afternoon I spent Netflix and chilling 😌 I binge watched all 4 episodes of Blood Sisters and I must say; the rave is well deserved.

Teaser alert (or maybe Spoiler), I’m about to give a mini review. If you are yet to watch it and don’t want a teaser (or spoiler), please skip downwards. However, if you have seen it, please let me know what you think.

Blood Sisters is a Netflix original drama series with a simple enough plot that turns complicated at every turn

Bound by a dangerous secret, best friends Sarah and Kemi are forced to go on the run after a wealthy groom disappears during his engagement party. The groom however was one of the ladies’ fiancé- Sarah’s.

A review of the cast:

Kola is most people, charming on the outside, a monster inside. Although his level of depravity is out of this world.

Timeyin (Genoveva)– rock star actress. Her mother has a major hand in how she turned out

Ramsey Noah– Uncle B- the range with this character is amazing

Kate Henshaw- Uduak Ademola– her character was as horrible a mother as celebrity and high society mothers are touted to be but the fashion 💖

Gabriel Afolayan and Kehinde Bankole- those ones just want money, power and sex. The chemistry was hot 🔥 Yinka (Kehinde’s character) is a mini Kate’s character in the making

Uche Jumbo (Mrs. Duru)- classic African mother. From the scene where she convinced her daughter to go through with the wedding to an abuser- to the call where she asked Sarah to run and ensure she’s not caught. She’s practically everyone’s mother.

That Assassin– Stone abi Blade: most horrible Assassin in the history of Assassins. First off- how do you make yourself so obvious that your target makes you immediately? Then be brought all those plenty tools and was beaten by a guy in asooke agbada?

Ideally, he should refund his employer with interest and lose his street cred!

Etim Inyang– great acting as well. Very realistic friend and all-round stand-up guy.

His character is a lesson in loyalty plus how to behave when someone you love is accused of abuse. You investigate! You do what needs to be done! You don’t leave anything to chance or sweep anything under the carpet.

Sarah and Kemi– Ini and Nancy- maximum respect 🙏 they brought A class acting 👏 👌 Question for the script writer though- why behead Kola 🤷‍♀️

Ibrahim Suleiman– Mr. Lover man 🤩 He loved and gave his all.

BTW, I need a back story to why Sarah left him for Kola.

Notable mentions- Denrele Edun, Toyin Abraham, mama Joke Silva, Toke Makinwa, Keppy Ekpeyong; all of them- great 👍 acting

Interesting twists in the movie; photographer, organ trafficking doctor, etc etc

Overall- great story- different from Nollywood regulars

Costume was 200%

Makeup- -2% (except for Kate’s which made her look older- fitting the character)

Sets and location- great

Cast- stellar

Overall for me 🌟 🌟🌟🌟

I enjoyed the series and will wholly recommend 👌

I also saw Man of God. I had resisted all pressure to watch it but had a few extra hours and was like; why not?

So,…… I had heard certain reviews and opinions on how it bears some similarities to a certain person. Well……. very faintly.

Otherwise, good movie. Entertaining with a message 👍

I continued the binge watching with Royals– my current personal relaxing Netflix series. Royals enables me to enjoy the drama and just relax. I’m sure you know already what kind of movies I like. Life is too difficult to watch anything gruesome. I can read Robert Ludlum or Dan Brown’s books for that.

Then the week started and today is already Wednesday!!! I need to catch my breath from that because I’m like; how come already?

This morning, while reflecting on this post and considering the teaser/spoiler conundrum; how some will see the above tips as teasers while others will see it as spoilers. It led me to the fact that a lot of our actions and reactions is as a result of our perspective. Seeing the glass half full or half empty will determine your reaction and action. How you see the glass will also depend on other factors; experience, mindset, etc.

My sis and I are on both ends of the movies spoiler/teaser spectrum. I will actually seek to know some bit about to the story to confirm if its worth my time, while Sisi doesn’t want to know. She has a sense of what she likes; plot actors, etc. that just makes us different, doesn’t necessarily make one preference better than the other.

To be honest, a balance in perspective is key. I’m not going to advise a completely positive view but an objective one.  

So, my darlings; what’s your perspective- half full or empty and how does this impact your actions or inactions. If you tend to be at the end of one spectrum, do you have any coping mechanisms you would like to share? Please share with us.

Until next week, stay jiggy!

Xoxo

Chinma

CE Diary Series: E3: A Long Weekend and Some Family Time

Hello darlings, how are you all doing? I’m almost late with this week’s episode, how many of you thought I will actually miss it? Or how many of you didn’t even realise it was due today ☺ today is a Wednesday which feels like a Monday. I apologise its coming late, I’m having an inundated day.

The long anticipated long weekend is here and gone. Trust you had a very restful weekend- I didn’t! but I had fun!! My weekend was packed full with activities, I’m just coming up for air.

So, by way of explanation for our non-Nigerian readers; Monday 2^nd and Tuesday 3^rd were holidays, so today is the first day of the work week and we are all fatigued! Holding on to the memories of the past weekend.

First, we (most Nigerians were expecting a 3 day holiday (Monday – Wednesday) in commemoration of Workers day and the Eid El Fitr holidays, unfortunately (but fortunately for business owners), only 2 was given. I’m not sure how which day doubled for the other but… it is what it is. We don’t like Ogbeni anymore!

I’m going to tell you all about my past weekend, if you follow me on Instagram (@chinmaeke) you will already have all the deets, but for those who are yet to do so; I will share some tidbits and encourage you to follow me on Instagram for (almost immediate updates).

So,…… my weekend started on Saturday morning (after a most stressful week). Mommy Eke and I were invited by big sis and hubby to their house for the weekend. Sis and I had plans ☺

So, almost immediately we arrived their place, we left for the GTCo food and drinks fair. A bit of review; given that it was the first day of the event, every where was bubbly. There had food stands in the building and outside. Big ups to GT for organizing this, the ambience was beautiful, staff and vendors were courteous.  

My grouse, given it’s a Naija food and drink fair, there weren’t enough (or I didn’t see enough) Naija delicacies. Where they existed, we had tried to English-nise it. I think I saw only one amala vendor, one each of jollof rice, okpa, peppersoup, etc etc but a lot of pastries! Even the masterclass which was about to begin when we left was on a Mexican food. Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t be international in our outlook but…… just like in everything else, our love for all things foreign is unattractive. My expectation was that we were going to have a rich display of our traditional meals interspersed (not overshadowed) by foreign meals.  Anyways, I’m probably just beefing because Glover’s Court Suya stand was empty. I felt betrayed! Had to console myself with jollof rice, and what a nice jollof rice it was ☺ You should see the reel where I showed some clips while enjoying it ❤

So, Sunday was church and home. We attended a parish close to my sister’s house. Service was loonngg. I think its because its been a while I’ve attended a physical service. Recently I’ve been more of a virtual member. Somebody’s child was hungry much 😢

Anyways, Monday was the grand finale. We had a family beach funday! We packed our blended family off to the beach where we had loads of fun. Like I said, if you would like to see more pictures, you should head to my IG page- I’m @chinmaeke and @chinmaekelifestyle

We were there all day it took the rain to send us home.

On the last day of the holiday, we had to head back home so I can prepare for work. The work preparation promptly undid all of the relaxation of the weekend 😢 where can I sign up to the soft life? Maximum enjoyment, minimal work!

We are back on the grind, we have a 3day work week this week and mine has started with a bang! How is yours going wo far? I wish you lots of love and light!

I would like to hear all about your weekend, if you would like to share with me, please leave a comment or two ✌

Until next week!

If you would like to receive each new episode straight to your inbox, don’t forget to subscribe. And ofcourse; share and like this page and episode.

Lots of love!

CE

CE’s Diary Series: E2: Enjoy the Moment!

Hello darlings, how are you all doing? Trust you had a great week. I want to hear all about it, gist me. I don’t intend for this to be monotonous or one sided- I need you my darling readers to actively engage me in the comments, and don’t forget to share for the reading pleasure of others too.

Just before I delve into this week’s diary series; an update from last week:

Car is working perfectly well, so shall it continue; Amen.

By the way, how many of you were expecting this week’s episode? Did you remember? Why not click the Subscribe button at the bottom of the page so you can be informed when a new episode is published.

Last week (the week after Easter) can easily be dubbed ‘wedding week’ it was filled with so much beautifulness that we had no choice but to feed our eyes to our hearts content.

Congratulations to all couples who tied the knot, I wish you all a happy married life. I’m going to talk about two of those weddings #ReelDeel22 and #Undeniablyyours

Did you all see all the pictures from #reeldeel22? If you didn’t, you must have been living under a rock in the past week. Just in case though, because I’m nice like that, lemme remind you of the gorgeousness that is Rita Dominic as displayed in her Igba Nkwu on Tuesday 19^th April 2022. I am very happy for her and wish her and her man continued happiness.

It was so heart-warming to see her colleagues show her so much ❤ she seems to be someone with a good network. I’m sooo happy for her.

There was also #undeniablyyours with the gorgeous Kemi Adetiba and her beau. And mama Sola Sobowale, maximum respect!

I so love ❤!

So,….. I know we find minding our business unnatural. I know we like to pontificate and tend to find teachable moments in every situation, but……. Can we all calm down with all the hot takes and lessons from the ladies above’s nuptials! Can all we awon aspire to perspire people just congratulate them and move on? Doable?

We do this thing where someone tells us something or we hear something and rather than savour the moment and rejoice/mourn with the individuals or just be there for them, we immediately switch into advice mode. Once in a while, can we calm down? Because,…. we are not all knowing.

Some of those things, knowledge, achievement that you think you have is probably just luck o! you should recognize the privilege you have and live humbly within the knowledge that no one has it all figured out. Some people’s waiting room is just more obvious than others.

When someone shares something with you or when you read something, always have at the back of your mind that you are hearing or reading a part of the story- not all. And before you rush to share an opinion, please be aware that your interpretation and subsequent opinion of that matter is as a result of your perception of said matter which a lot of time isn’t the reality.

An example- if you hear someone got a job in a fintech, for someone whom that is their ideal, they immediately see dollar signs, flexible working hours (remote), etc. but for someone else, the first thing they will see is crazy deadlines and work pressure, lack of job security due to volatility of industry, etc. All of these are true perceptions, it just depends on who’s looking. So, always remember that the opinion you are about to share (including this which I have shared) is based on your perception (understanding) of the matter which is also subject to what information is available to you.

Sometimes, all that’s necessary is our good wishes and support. No opinions either way needed.

Let me share an experience I had recently with you all; it was recently pointed out to me that my name on my degree certificate was misspelt. My name is spelled with an NMA. Some spell it with a double M, others with a single M. So, I’m usually very conscious of how its spelt on official documents because of the challenges it can pose. So, how did I miss that error and on such an important document?

To think I’ve had the certificate for years but didn’t notice. It took someone else to point it out. I actually processed it myself but didn’t notice. If someone had told me just a day before it was pointed out, I would have argued that I couldn’t make such an important error. I’m so particular about the name thingy I wrote an article on this way back in 2017 (What’s in a Name). Can you see the lesson therein? You who is sitting in judgement over another, can you withstand scrutiny? Lets all remember that we are not infallible please!

Let he who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 1^st Corinthians 10:12

Anyways, I have gotten an affidavit as a cover. Shout out to Barr. Chinyere Kalu Emele, she made the process veerryy seamless for me such that I feel like becoming her agent- I can vouch for her 100% that with her as your legal counsel, you can sleep like a baby!

Moving on from that, I finally caught up with Bridgerton Season 2. I had been reluctant to watch it because I had read all the books in the Bridgeton series, however, I eventually gave in and spent the past weekend watching it. My verdict is 😍 I like that the series deviated from the book, bringing in some good twists. It’s a thumbs up from me (but if I have to choose between the book and the series- the book will always win- personal preference).

So, as we go into this loonngg weekend, what movies and series are you seeing or what locations are you visiting?  Or which movies/series have you seen that you will recommend? Share with me in the comments. I look forward to your interesting recommendations.

PS: Did anyone notice we are 4 months gone in 2022? Where did the year go? Its less than 8 months to 2022 Christmas! How?

By the way, pointing this out isn’t to pressure anyone, lets all enjoy the moment, no pressures!

Don’t forget to like, comment, subscribe.

XOXO

Chinma Eke

Image credits- google.com

CE’s Diary Series: A New Beginning and Some Recent Lessons Learnt

You know how there’s that certain something that keeps nagging you at the back of your head? That something that you keep forcing down and ignoring, well….. that something for me is a diary series.

The nag has been there, I’ve even been told I should do it. But I’ve been up against my own reasoning and the limits in them- where is the time? Between work and commuting I barely have anymore time for myself. And as such sustainability is also an issue- I have let you my darling readers down one too many times to want to pick up something I cannot sustain.

Round and round and round the debate for and against has gone on in my head- its actually become an ache. So, I’ve decided to test the waters. Even with that decision I’ve struggled with the decision to start and push myself with yáll holding me accountable. Or, to respect myself and have at least 5 series before publishing. Decisions decisions.

Before I tell you what I decided (I don’t know what I’ve decided yet), lemme tell you about what brought about this latest course of guilt.

My car has been acting up recently- the battery ran down a few times (when it shouldn’t have), I asked if there were sure it wasn’t the alternator, I was told no, a few scans down the line, a battery change, more rundowns, a battery light turn-on while driving, we changed the alternator. Still, battery is still running down. Another alternator change, still same thing. I’m actually both sad and livid right now because as we know; all of these changes, fixes, repairs plus uber because I will rather not risk a less than 100% vehicle on the road, are costing scarce money. Also, given that there is also so much going on with me right now, I just wish I didn’t have to deal with this right now. However, in it I found some lessons which I think I should share with you all.

So, as you know, I’m single. In a session this past Saturday, the facilitator used an anology that if a light suddenly starts blinking on your dashboard while you’re driving, what will you do. Responses were basically park and call mechanic and ofcourse the ladies said ‘park and call oga’. It hit home. I don’t have oga to call. The male friends I have that I mentioned it to gave me different variants of platitudes but no one is stepping up to take over that responsibility and ensure I’m not being cheated (as I suspect). Very sad situation to be in but in the midst of my sadness, the still small voice came with the first lesson- I have God. And He has always come through for me. Where there’s no man, there’s the ultimate man! I began to see the miracles and blessings in the situation- God has helped me that the car hasn’t actually broken down on the road where I may be harassed, vehicle towed, etc etc. it will always not start at home or the one time it happened on the road I could manage it to a nearby fuel station. The Holy spirit also always reveals to me when something is wrong- example, it was supposedly fixed yesterday while I was at work. Normal me, I will believe all is well and wont check until the next morning when I’m ready for work but this time, immediately I got home, I picked up the key to confirm what has been done… and car didn’t start.

Second lesson, always listen to the Holy spirit and or your intuition.

So, while I am very sad and frustrated, I had to pray to God to give me peace in this situation. Because, I’m ready to tear into someone and everyone involved in what I believe is now a scam circus. I believe God has heard and answered. I have also decided to vent via sharing with you my darling viewers. Hopefully, I won’t tear anyone to shreds with my words out of frustration.

Back to the car- when it refused to start, I called my uncle who maintains the car for me. He didn’t answer his call. He is currently out of Lagos and it was him who sent the mechanic who did this latest work that didn’t even last 3 hours. His number has been switched off since yesterday. I called the mechanic, didn’t answer as well. Then I remembered something my mom said to me on Sunday evening- she said to leave the car and let my uncle return to Lagos and physically supervise the fixing. I had initially ignored this advise because of the high cost of uber rides as well as the inconvenience. However, a few thousands down the drain, still at the same spot; it brings me to my third lesson- always listen to your mom.

So, now that the choice is outta my hands, I have no choice but to listen. This morning, I nicely called an uber and ofcourse had all the card or cash trip questions plus delay where the driver will tell you he’s close while still at Ore, etc etc. Sometimes in the recent past, particularly on traffic filled days; I used to romaticise my uber days when I can do some other things in transit and not think about the fare while the driver drives but this morning has taught me that driving is the better option based on the cost angle. That is my fourth lesson;  a car is an asset in Lagos and not a liability.

So, I’ve written almost a thousand words in less than an hour and I’ve identified four lessons from my car issues. The fifth and final lesson for this article attempts to answer the question I asked up there on my plans with this dear diary series (remember, the concerns on sustainability in the second paragraph); truth is, I don’t know if I can sustain it. This is a very ‘spirit being willing’ moment and it brings me to the fifth lesson; do it afraid. I’m committing to this, I cannot promise sustainability. I’m asking you to go on this journey with me hoping that I can and will sustain it. You can also be my accountability partner, follow up with me when I slack. I have big dreams for this CE’s Diary Series but can only achieve this with you. So, I invite you; come on this journey with me and lets make it work.

PS: I’ve only written this one episode

PSS: Look out for the next episode next week Wednesday!

PSSS: Don’t forget to tell me what you think, support and encourage me in the comments!

PSSSS: Also connect with me on socials- twitter and IG- @chinmaeke @chinmaekelifestyle and LinkedIN- Chidinma Eke

Enjoy your day!

CE

Numbing the Noise and Remaining Focused

One of the activities my team and I deploy for team building sessions is an activity called Blindfold Search. In this activity, the team is split into smaller teams (depending on the class size) and each team is required to identify a member to be blindfolded as well as another to act as a guide. The blindfolded individual is to be guided to pick up certain items in the room (by verbal instructions only) and drop in a basket placed somewhere in the room. The team with the greatest number of items in the basket at the end of the allotted time wins the game.

Image credit: google.com

The individuals to be blindfolded will be required to leave the room while the course is setup- could be anything like plastic bottles scattered around the room and one prize item (could be a ball) also placed somewhere in the room. He/she is to pick the prize item lastly- after all other items have been picked up and dropped in the basket.

The twist to the game is while each team is playing, the other team can be allowed to ‘distract’ by providing counter instructions or some noise to confuse the blindfolded individual.

This game serves to strengthen team work. So, there’s a team task; the team has to decide who is best suited to being blind-folded, who will be the best person to provide directions, etc. these decisions can be made on the basis of the team member with the most distinct voice should give directions, the colleague best at directions should be blindfolded, etc. this mimics life situations where teams play to the strength of its members.

In the most recent session we facilitated, the first opposing team provided- B8* distraction– such that when we were debriefing; the blindfolded individual said he actually thought he was part of the team. The ‘distractor’ started out by giving similar instructions to the original guide such that when he started giving misleading instructions, the blindfolded colleague thought it was the right instructions. His team had to double down to ensure he remains on course. When it was the turn of the opposing team, they came in with the market/bus garage variety distraction- noise!!! Such that the blindfolded individual had to strain to listen for the distinct voice of his guide/ team members.

In this game, like in life; a lot of times we have to numb the noise, silence and close our eyes to all distractions and remain focused. In life, we aren’t always successful at remaining focused- we sometimes get lost in chasing shadows, edged on by what we think is the right instructions or sometimes, we stop to smell the roses (which is good by the way) but then we get into conversations with the gardener or passers by and lose sight of the destination, etc. etc.  

Distractions may also come in form of rest. So, we stop for some rest- given that rest is equally a productive activity; the problem though is sometimes because our rest point is a significant improvement on the start point, we lull ourselves into believing the rest point can be the destination (I am very guilty of this).

We must never lose sight of the destination. Focus is one big determinant to success.

It is also true that there isn’t any one path to achieve an aim (except maybe in mathematical problems and science experiments). There’s a Yoruba saying that says- Ọ̀nà kan ò wọjà. This literally means there are many ways to access a market. There are many ways to achieve an aim, but what you must not do is stop at a hair salon and brand it a market- even if hair products are sold there.

Remain focused, numb the noise and distractions and ensure you achieve your aim.

Enjoy the rest of your week.   

*Ever noticed B8 together are almost alike? It’s the letter ‘B’ and the number 8 placed together. I bet some of you missed it above. A B8 distraction is just like that, very similar but different.

Hey You!

I cannot believe I’ve actually been away for over a year

I apologise and promise to not do it again.

Forgive me? I know you will.

Honestly, haven’t done much writing- just short op-ed’s on SM. I will perhaps migrate that here.

Today I have written something which was about to go on LinkedIn without stopping here first until I remembered my first loyalty to you all.

Look out for it, its coming shortly.

Ermmmm…… will I ever go back to writing series???

I hope so!

XOXO!

It Is Not Finished!

The past few weeks has been one filled with a myriad of emotions. First there was anger and despair at a system who was so vested in suppressing its young or in killing it. Then there was hope. Hope in our voice. If we couldn’t save the lost, we could ensure that it comes this far and no more.
And so we spoke up. With one voice. United in our cause. Not for selfish reasons but because we identified that each of us still alive could be a victim the next second. Not because of criminal acts but just because we are alive.
For over 10days we spoke. In most cities of Nigeria there was an expression of the #endsars movement. Leaderless, uncoordinated yet very coordinated. Our collective pain was our leader. We asked for one thing- #endsars

SARS- the police unit charged with combatting armed robbery and other such criminal activities had made the people its enemy and took advantage of every moment to inflict terror on its victims.

The survivors of SARS’ told of wicked happenings beyond our wildest imaginations. They told of the dead, never to be heard off.

Of a truth, SARS is just a symptom. Reality is the Nigerian system seeks to strike you down and keep you there every step of the way. Every Nigerian citizen- home and abroad has a story of Nigeria ‘happening’ to them. It’s so bad that a few have found ways to exploit the corrupt system in a- ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ move.

And so the Nigerian citizens- young enough to still believe we could make a change took to the streets in peaceful protests across most cities of Nigeria for SARS’ reign of terror was devoid of the usual sentiments such as tribalism that had plagued Nigeria since time immemorial.

The protests heralded hope for a new Nigeria. Never have a majority come together, putting aside their differences as was witnessed in those days. We witnessed individuals adept at coordination and accountability. Donations were recieved, disbursed and accounted for.

About 2 weeks after the protests began, after several attempts by the Nigerian government to pacify its citizens with platitudes, the tactics changed. We witnessed events that though unverified but can only be state sponsored terror. On the night of Tuesday, 20th October 2020 after a hastily declared curfew by the Lagos state government, military officials opened fire on peaceful unarmed protesters at the Lekki tollgate.

It’s been over 72hours since that event. The Lagos state government has attributed it to ‘forces beyond its control’. The Nigerian army is confused in its denial, the presidency refuses to acknowledge the event and rather gives a vague but threatening address.

Post that address- the Nigerian people are still hurting. A lot are demoralised. A few are still hopeful but one thing is clear- it’s not over.
I speak to us young people, whatever next steps you choose are valid.
Should you choose to leave and continue the fight from the diaspora, please do. In the recent battle, the voice of our diaspora brethren magnified our cause.
Should you chose to stay and continue the fight from within, as in the words of Nelson Mandela- we cannot win a war, but we can win an election. That choice is also valid.

What would be wrong is that having come this far, we give up and become that which we despise. We must not join them because we cannot beat them. We mustn’t sell our voice for a few coins.

We lost people in this battle. Painful to think of, I can only imagine what their families are going through. People sadly lost their source of livelihood in the breakdown of law and order which followed.

This battle is a marathon not a sprint. We cannot and could not have changed anything significant over two weeks for indeed SARS was just a symptom of a deep seated rot which must be excavated to make room for a new Nigeria. Therefore, as we say in our local parlance, we have tested our mic. It works. The battle isn’t won or lost. Most of all it isn’t over. We move!

XOXO

Chinma Eke

Heard of Parkinson’s Law?

Not Parkinson’s disease, yes you read right- Parkinson’s law.

This post was inspired by a @moneyafrica Instagram post on Parkinson’s law.

Yay or Nay?

I’m sure the Analysts in the house are getting ready to say- Inflation, Exchange rate, etc, etc

Calm down y’all!

This has really got me thinking about how well we prioritise and allot time to tasks- in our personal lives, in the workplace, etc etc

Is that Parkinson’s? 🤷‍♀️

Has this got you thinking of how better to plan your tasks, finances, etc.

Life Lessons from Chadwick Boseman

Death brings out the sentimental and author in all of us (for some of us it helps us find our lost writing pad)
We mourn and eulogise the departed, canonise them and sometimes outline the lessons from their life; for everyone is either a lesson on how to live or how not to live.

Chadwick Boseman 1976 – 2020

His life speaks of strength and courage- diagnosed of cancer in 2016, he have us Black Panther, Civil War, Infinity War, End Game, Thurgood Marshall, 21 Bridges and 5 Bloods- while battling cancer.
That’s a solid legacy for his family- royalties from the movies.
Now is also a good time to check those our incessant ‘ sick leaves’. Its ok to want to take time off but maybe just maybe …….. He worked through cancer treatment. I’m sure the Line Managers and HRMs are waiting to share this with the first few people who request for sick time off. Lol.

He was criticised and shamed for the body weight fluctuations and how he looked tired. I know we’ve seen it a few times today already but just before I ask us to always be kind, here’s a question- do you think the fat or slim person doesn’t know their weight status? What is it to you that you cannot keep your opinion to yourself? Awon Fault finders association!
Anyways, if you cannot be kind, mind your own damn business! Because really, we are all struggling through something. Stop using someone’s pain as your escapism from your own issues.

And yes, the shaming transcends body weight to every other area we feel the need to judge someone for. No one made you judge over another, stop criticising, be kind. It’s easier to criticize than to create, yes. But don’t always take the easy way out.

He battled cancer for 4 years and not a peep. Goes to show he had solid people around him. Now is also a good time to check yourself- awon fastest fingers first, quick to share- good or bad. Maybe just maybe you are the leaky link in your circle of friends.

The final lesson is “Live Well”. Or maybe just live- in all that living entails.

Farewell Chadwick Boseman.

Love and light!

It’s Okay to Not be Okay

A few days ago, I had a cold; my chest and head hurt badly, my throat was sore and my nose ran intermittently. In light of the current situation, I wondered if I could have been in contact with anyone who could possibly have the virus. However, because we have learned that the virus is transmittable, even when you are asymptomatic, I couldn’t be sure.

So I took some painkillers and medications for cold. It’s been a few days and I’m better. In interacting with people, I’ve realised that there are quite a lot of people with similar symptoms that ‘look’ like COVID-19. A lot of people are even afraid to speak up about their symptoms for fear of being stigmatized. My dear, we are in the rainy season and the weather is cold; so many people have the flu. Some have also imagined the COVID-19 symptoms even when they don’t have the common cold.

Then there’s the mental health implication of COVID-19. There are those who have to live with their abusers – my heart goes out to them. I have seen a few NGOs and CSOs reach out, asking to be contacted as necessary. If you qualify for this, please reach out.

There are those who had pre-existing mental health issues and the current situation cannot be easy on them. At the very basic, for people who need some form of order in their lives, the disruption to their daily lives, livelihoods, routine and all will not be easy.

Then there are those who are alone at this time. I cannot imagine the difficulty of having to be indoors, all alone.

On the flip side, there is also the fact that some ‘regular’ families were able to coexist because they were not in each other’s space 24/7. Funny as it may seem, this will also be a difficult time for those. News out of China is that the divorce rate has increased as a result of the lockdown. Indeed, for some, this is a difficult time to be alone while for others, it’s a difficult time to not be alone. Whatever side of the divide you fall on, remember that it is okay to not be okay.

Beyond the physical and mental health implications, there’s the economic impact of all this. Many have lost their sources of livelihood already, many will – post lockdown. All over the world, economies are wobbling and it’s affecting everyone. Many organisations were unable to pay salaries for the month of March, many will not be able to pay April’s. Nigeria has a large number of SMEs, petty business people who absolutely need to hustle daily to put food on the table. Having them locked down cannot be easy on them.

I know someone reading this is saying- where there’s life, there’s hope, health is wealth, keep an open mind, and all that. I agree. All the positive words don’t mean everything is going to be fine and dandy. For some, it will. For others, it will not. Truth is – the world as we know it will change post-COVID-19 pandemic and it’s okay to be anxious about what the future brings. It is possible to acknowledge the peculiarity of the times and still stay positive. We shouldn’t sweep our feelings under the carpet of positivism.

Although we want to believe that after this lock down, we should have been able to flatten the curve, identify all positive cases and people can go back to their business as usual, we still are not sure if the shutdown will extend beyond the initial two weeks. Other nations have been on it for months and aren’t sure of when life will return to normal.

As an employer or employee, a function head or a team member,  this cannot be easy on anyone. If you’re wondering if you will get paid at the end of this month or worried about how to pay your staff, your fears are valid.

Nigeria does not have an adequate social welfare system to take care of its people. Your rent will still be due when it ought to be – regardless of how your finance has been impacted by the pandemic. You and yours still need to eat and the cost of staple foods has skyrocketed,

For those of us who still have to go to work (essential workers), there’s the fear that you are putting yourself at risk daily. There’s the fear that you’re exposing your loved ones by exposing yourself. You’re conflicted between duty and self-preservation.

In all of this, it’s okay to not be okay.

I don’t have any answers, but here are some tips that might get us through this:

• Acknowledge the situation for what it is. It’s totally out of anyone’s control; we are all just trying to find our way through it. Nobody has it figured out, including those sharing beautiful videos.
• Keep a healthy mind, read and meditate. Your mind is your greatest asset, so feed it with positive thoughts, books, and meditation.
• Rest, relax, unwind, play. Listen to music and see some movies.
• Talk to someone – a therapist, trusted friend or family. Just stay connected
• Exhale: There’s are lots of content out there for entertainment, pick and choose what works for you and lose yourself in it for a while.
• Strategise for a comeback: The lockdown will be lifted eventually. Make plans to resume your normal routines, prepare for post-COVID-19.
• Learn a new skill: You can learn any and everything online and some are free. Use your data wisely and upskill yourself.
• Eat healthily and drink water: Adding weight is a major concern in this period. Lol. Eat healthily, practice social distancing from your fridge (or the kitchen). Drink water, not sugary or alcoholic drinks, exercise and generally try to stay active. Don’t be a couch or bed potato (like me on days when I don’t go to work). Haha.
• Stay healthy through this period, wash and sanitise your hands, don’t touch your face, don’t self-medicate.
• Stay home if you don’t absolutely need to go out. Don’t spread the disease further, help by not pressuring an already strained/ inadequate health system. The disease doesn’t spread – we spread it

Special thanks to our health workers; from the security personnel to the janitors to the admin staff, doctors, nurses, etc. We see you, we appreciate you. Our appreciation also goes to other members of society working to keep the world going at this time – the food and pharmaceutical manufacturing and trading businesses, the supermarkets and street shops, the fast-food restaurants and the roadside buka. The downstream petroleum products, the law enforcement agents – we see you all, we appreciate you.

Article originally published on Bellanaija.com

Social Distancing? What’s that?

As the world navigates its way through the coronavirus pandemic, there are a few words that have become buzz words in a bid to prevent the further spread of the virus: there’s social distancing, tele-commuting (working from home) hand wash, sanitizer, etc.; previously existing terms, products and practices but magnified by the virus. What’s even more interesting is that some of the ways to protect ourselves are ‘basic hygeine’ practices, which we have ignored over the years because- something must kill a man or germs cannot kill a Nigerian.

It’s become current practice to wash our hands at least every hour for about 20 seconds with soap. For a people who most walk out of a toilet without washing their hands- it’s certainly taking some getting used to. Let’s not get started on the sanitisers- something previously thought to be used by the germophobes and those who are just ‘extra‘ have now become mainstream and common place. Everyone; male and female are carrying their little jars of sanitizer and covering our entire existence with the blood– sorry- anti-bacterial sanitisers. We are submitting to temperature checks at various locations and all round just trying to be careful not to expose ourselves to the virus- because, remember; everything in Nigeria will kill you– like Ayo Sogunro says.

So, we’re learning and evolving. I feel like we should be grateful to the virus for enforcing or embedding good hygiene. There’s always an upside to this things. The one precaution we haven’t been able to imbibe however, is social distancing. Ki lo’n je be? I doubt if you can literally translate that into any Nigerian language. It’s so un-Nigerian. How can you ask us to practice social distance when our very existence depends on our communal relationships? What is social distancing: we need to avoid: group gatherings, sleep overs (and other gum-body activities), play dates, concerts, etc.

However, in situating all this into our circumstances, we need to include hugging and other gum-body activities on this list.  But,…. Covid-19 will go, and when it’s time to pay school fees, uncle Bolaji will remember I rejected his handshake because- social distancing! Or big mummy will forever hold a grudge because I flinched and moved a few steps back when she tried to pull my cheek fondly- which equals me saying she has coronavirus! Or, when I send my asoebi to my aunty, she will remember how I rebuffed her hug in the name of social distancing? Let’s not even get started with the pervs who are constantly touchy-feely because- as Africans we love to show love.

The wahala coronavirus will cause will transcend our collective health, health infrastructure, the economy and even affect our personal relationships. I’m sure most clerics have had to really rehearse not asking people to touch their neighbor’s in any form over the past few weeks.

I saw a video which explained social distancing and how it stems the spread of diseases- the illustration with the burning match sticks- my first thought was rara, this match stick isn’t Nigerian. It would have run into the fire if it were- either in a bid to save its loved ones or in a bid to get first hand gist to share. While the latter is fast becoming a societal problem, the former is the very structure upon which our society is built. Eniyan laso mi– literal meaning: people are my covering– our strength is in our network. Even our people are constantly rising above the limitations of the nation- Nigerians as a collective are arguably greater than Nigeria the country.

So how do you want to teach us social distancing? You want to teach an old dog new tricks? When we have our religions, herbs, and the fact that very little thrives in Nigeria- diseases inclusive. After all, our weather is too hot for it to survive or Africans cannot get the virus and other such tales that have been disproven.

Las las, this too will pass, but we need to ensure we don’t destroy our relationships before it passes, right? Let’s not peddle fear and destroy ourselves before the disease gets to us, right?

Guess what? Maybe this is a good thing. We all need to learn to love from a distance. Take this as a lesson and perhaps learn to be less in people’s personal space. Doable?

It has to be, because as we have learnt- the virus is still contagious when the carrier is asymptomatic. There goes your excuse of- but he/she isn’t sick.

Truth is we need to situate what we’re used to versus what we need to do to ensure this virus and other communicable diseases doesn’t continue to spread, because for us- prevention will always be better than cure. Let each do a frank assessment of our health infrastructure and contemplate if it can withstand a viral outbreak. We haven’t eradicated malaria, it’s now coronavirus!

Prevention is key! I’m repeating it for those at the back. We all learnt that in primary school. We need to follow the preventive measures as advised by the public health specialists- wash our hands frequently and thoroughly with soap, in the absence of soap; use an alcohol based hand sanitizer; cough and sneeze into a disposable tissue or your elbow; if you’re sick, please go to a hospital; avoid high traffic and public areas, and please maintain some distance.

Article originally published on Bellanaija.com.

Starting A Side Hustle, Here are 5 Sources of Funds

• 

Some people are multi-talented and as such cannot stick to one job-hustle-duty. Still yet, others are forced to hold multiple jobs of create additional sources of income to supplement their income and meet their living expenses. Whatever your reason may be, the side hustle has become a fixture and norm in our lives today. We live in a world today where not monetizing your passion is very detrimental. Cue in the side hustle. What makes a side hustle peculiar is the fact that it’s run alongside your day job or main hustle. Its main aim is either to supplement income or to fuel a passion. Regardless of its reason; the side hustle like every business venture needs money is to thrive.

Sourcing for capital is a pain, particularly in Nigeria where you have to go through hoops with the banks and the interest rate is KILLING! There are some other sources of funds though, and regardless of what stage your business is at: Seed stage (start-up phase) or growth stage (scale an existing business); cash is important.

In order to ensure you don’t inadvertently kill your business with a cash injection from an unwise or expensive source, here are a few pointers on sources of funds to fuel your side hustle or business.

• Savings

A large proportion of businesses in Nigeria are funded from personal savings. However, DO NOT INVEST ALL YOUR SAVINGS in your side hustle. Being that our society doesn’t have the safety net available in developed countries by way of health insurance, etc. It is advisable that you ALWAYS have back-up funds for emergencies, so you cannot afford to invest all of your savings in a business. Particularly because there’s a risk as with all business ventures, it can go south. Savings is however an interest free, stress free means of cash inflow.

My advice though is to treat whatever funds you inject into your business as an investment. Have a payback/ dividend plan, treat it as business funds and ALWAYS ensure you keep your personal funds separate from the business funds.  

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• Family and friends

Another source of funds is your family and friends. This source of funds will most likely be low-interest or interest free. However, as with all sources of income, we need to be careful as to the terms of repayment. Do not promise and unachievable payback period as that would have ruined the relationship. Do not also take your family and friends for granted; be honorable. And if they would rather treat the funds as investment for equity- be smart and business minded. Don’t be sentimental. Don’t sign over shares in your company for less than its market value due to sentimentality. And….. My personal favorite; always include a buy-back clause with every equity transaction.

• Customers

Your customers are your cheapest source of funds. If you have customers willing to pay upfront for goods and services; that’s a great way to fund your business. Reputation however is everything. Do not accept payment for goods and/or services which you are unable to deliver. With Social media, there is no hiding place for bad service. You can find your business in ruins due to one bad customer review.

• Grants

They are a number of local and international organisations willing to provide grants to SMEs. Do your research and apply accordingly. Some are grants with no refund needed, while others are meant to be refunded. Whichever you get, do ensure you read the terms and conditions and abide by them strictly. You won’t want your budding business to be associated with an organisation of questionable character, will you?  

• Loans or equity

These can be bank or VC loans or investors funding your business in exchange for equity. With these, you have to be really smart and have a professional look over the terms and conditions. Even if you are one yourself, there is the value in having an independent agent look over the terms to ensure they are fair. Your sentimentality might cloud your objectivity, your desperation and passion might also cloud your objectivity. Have a professional look over T’s & C’s. Ensure it’s not a cash injection that may end up crippling the business.

Beyond the 5 options identified above, there may be some other funding options available to you. What’s important is that regardless of your source of funds, if there are conditions; ensure it’s looked over by a lawyer, to ensure its fairness and that it will stand the highest legal scrutiny.

Also, like I said above, if for any reason cash is being exchanged for equity; always include a buy back clause lest your company ends up in another’s hands against your will.    

As the year ends, some of us are already thinking and documenting our plans for 2020 and beyond (#teamresolution), others are making plans on how to scale their business. if your 2020 plan includes starting or scaling a side hustle, this article is for you. I will probably share another article on how to merge a main and side hustle seamlessly sometime in the future.

Asides the sources identified above, are there other sources of funds open to SMEs, please share with us.

Image credit: Google.com

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Black Friday: Don’t Go Broke Over Sales

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Every year, the last Friday in November is Black Friday; and all the stores ‘supposedly’ crash their prices.

‘Supposedly’

Black Friday comes after thanksgiving and with Cyber Monday and Christmas around the corner everyone is in a festive mood- making merry, giving, shopping, etc.

Many have confessed to having bought unnecessary thing in the lure of lowest prices. Many have actually been caught in the frenzy only to realize later it wasn’t actually a good bargain.

Here’s my advice on how to navigate Black Friday, this is also a note to self, lol:”

1. Make a list of necessary purchases: prior to Black Friday, draw up a list of what you need, and adhere to it religiously. Don’t move a little to the left or right. Don’t add any extras because you have gotten a good bargain on another. All it take is a little deviation and you’re lost down the drain of unnecessary purchases.
2. Carefully research your purchase: While drawing up your list, ensure you know their prices- pre-sales. That way, you are able to identify what purchases are a save and which isn’t.
3. Last and most important: Don’t Get Tempted. Do 1 and 2 above and do not get tempted to deviate from your list.

And…….. if you feel like you will be ‘losing out on deals of a lifetime’, remember there’s also Christmas sales around the corner.

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Accept Changes and Stop Tracking

The danger of Ineffective Communication

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A colleague (madam) sent me a document which I reviewed, tracking changes. I sent the document back asking that madam review document to see changes I made, accept changes, stop tracking and send back.

Madam reported to our Line Manager, complaining on how nothing she does is ever good enough. On further probing, she cited the last mail I sent and said she had researched the meaning of ‘accept changes and stop tracking’ and it means she isn’t good enough.

After moving past the horror of what search terms could produce such results, our Line Manager had a serious conversation with madam; firstly, she sent out an unformatted document filled with errors, and is now crying foul after some review has been done for her and all she needs do is accept changes and stop tracking. It was clear there were some performance deficiencies such that madam’s feedback couldn’t even be clearly interpreted. Madam was advised to work on self-development which will aid career progression.

The teachable moment for me was that clearly I hadn’t communicated. Yes, there’s the skill deficiency issue, however, I also fell afoul of the biggest communication problem- which is the assumption that communication has taken place – George Bernard Shaw. I assumed I had passed a message, but I had not. In discussing this, I realized this is a very common communication problem.

Often, we find ourselves either speaking over the top of people’s heads with them trying to catch-up or on the flip side having to over-explain. It apparently doesn’t come natural to be able to explain in the right language and right terms such that there’s no question as to the meaning of the message. People and organisations that excel skill have had to hone the skill. However, it is an important skill nonetheless, as a lot rises and falls on communication- or a lack of it.

Due to my own recent mishap, I had to refresh my communication skills and here are a few pointers to aid official communication:

1. Always be courteous but concise

Always be your best self; be polite and politically correct. Even with colleagues whom you are familiar with, be polite and with colleagues whom there might be some friction between you- be even more polite.

Eliminate endearments, keep familiarity to the minimum. Eliminate anything that can be misconstrued. Go straight to the point, don’t dither. Always assume the receiver is receiving the message- regardless of the means- in the midst of a very busy work day. Therefore, be brief and concise.

Even when emotions are running high and/or you don’t feel like it, be polite. Learn the art of politely telling people off courteously.

• Plan

As with everything, planning is important. With official communication, you will need to plan what you want to say; to ensure it’s communicating the right message and it answers most questions that could arise. Planning official communication will ensure you do not have avoidable mistakes, faux pas, or that you aren’t caught unawares. We all have heard the saying ‘whatever you say will be used against you’, we are also familiar with the caveat when we call helpdesk lines that the call is being monitored for ‘training’ purposes. Always have these two statements at the back of your mind when communicating officially.  Don’t wing it. No matter how good an orator you might be, Do NoT Wing IT! Think before you speak.

• Review for content, context, errors and language

Probably the most important and tiring job we do is revision, its common place to see a document having different editions until the final edition (well, final for the time being). This happens in order to ensure that we get the content right such that it’s relevant to the targeted audience at and that time. Imagine sending out a beautifully crafted holiday email after the holiday!

Content and context are important because therein lies the meat of the message. Language of delivery is also important- this has to do with both language and lingo. If the message is in English but the audience only speaks Swahili, you will need to translate. If you are speaking legalese terms to a room of Pharmacists; you will need to break down certain terms. Same way a sentence might suffice for a PhD holder, but you may need a paragraph of more sentences to explain to O’level holders.

Ensure your message has the right content and situate it within the right context.

• Put yourself in the audience’s shoes

Sometimes, a lot of times, you need to put yourself in your audience’s shoes and pull off yours. Reason is- you the originator of the message probably have some background such that with just a few choice words you would understand the message, majority of your audience might not be at the same level of comprehension. So, you need to tailor the message such that the audience will understand and it conveys the intended message. 

• Always ask for feedback

Feedback is the food of champions. For every official communication, where its most likely that not all of the recipients will understand the message, you need to always provide room for questions, feedback, or in a one-on-one scenario you could always ask the other party to explain what has been communicated in his/her own words. What is important is that with each mode of communication ALWAYS ask for feedback. Never assume the message has been lucid enough; never assume communication has taken place. Always confirm.

With official communication- verbal or written, always assume Big Brother is watching, always assume someone is listening, blind-copied or the email will be forwarded or someone is recording the conversation and if you will need to explain it; Do NoT Say IT! Do Not Write IT!

I Just Want to be CHAIRMAN!

A Guide to Human Resourcing for the Startup and SME

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During an interview, one of the questions posed to the candidate was to explain- in his own words the relevance of his course of study in a Manufacturing company. In other words, how relevant is his schooling to our operations.

The candidate- a graduate of Business Administration- in explaining said: a Business Administration graduate can work in any business, as they are trained to manage businesses.

While the rest of us had the ‘why’ question on our lips, one of the panelists drew his attention to the fact that he had previously said Accounting was his least favorite course as ‘he doesn’t find it interesting’. Accounting is however key in managing a business, so how do you manage a business if you cannot understand Finance.

His response was he will hire a ‘strong’ accountant to handle the finance bit.

This got the panelists laughing and we joked that his management style will be to hire people to do the work, while he will be Chairman!

We moved on from that interview but then it got me thinking: there are two ways of analyzing the young man’s ideology. Firstly; there’s the school of thought that believes to effectively manage a business you have to be able to understand finance and most of every other aspects of the business. This is both very true and very right. You need to be able to understand the numbers and what they mean for your business. This is truer if you are running a start-up or small business; because in the early days you might not have the necessary funds to hire the needed Finance professional- or to outsource. You may need to wing it for a while and if you are unable to build a simple cash-flow system or understand how best to utilise your funds, your business may be in trouble.

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On the flip side; there’s nothing that says you as a business leader or a founder needs to be able to do everything: finance inclusive. The rule of thumb for resources is to: buy (hire), borrow (outsource- in-plant or consultant), or collaborate. For a going concern with funds, all of these options are available, but for a young business there are slight modifications which can still work for you. The following are some of the options available to start-up.

1. Of course there’s always the option to hire. At the early stages you may not be able to afford an experienced hire which equals expensive. You can however hire someone relatively affordable but good (you however either need to know what good looks like to deduce someone is good or you work with a recruitment consultant to source for the best candidates within your budget).
2. A second alternative is to outsource – there are many affordable but standard financial institutions who can handle even the basics of your operations leaving you free to do the creative- which is most likely your forte.
3. Collaboration is similar to outsourcing- this is collaboration between 2 firms where both might exchange services. Pretty much like trade by barter- a cleaning services firm can exchange its services with an accounting firm for a duration. A caveat on this is- as with all contracts, both parties must be clear as to expectations and where possible (but strongly recommended); have an independent law firm draw up the contract such that it’s fair and binding.

Another way you can collaborate is to partner with a co-founder who has the desired skills and is willing to perhaps provide services in exchange for some stake in the business. Same caveat as the above applies- everything needs to be neat and tidy contractually such that neither party is left holding an empty basket in future.

• A fourth option is to train; working with the available resource and providing training to bring the resource up-to-speed. This builds some form of loyalty; your people grow and develop with you. A downside to this is; unless the people are aggressive about their own personal development, they may not develop beyond the training which you provide; which might not be good for your business.

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While all of these are available options, it doesn’t negate the fact that as a business leader- be it a start-up or a Plc.; you cannot get away from understanding some Finance, Law, HR, Operations, Business Development, etc. Creativity alone isn’t enough. Neither is it enough to throw passion into the mix. You cannot be creative out of a labor law issue if you do not understand the tenets of labor laws or have an adviser who does.

There are a few incubator labs and boot camps for start-ups associated with certain reputable organisations from which you can learn some of the rudiments of running a business. You can also take advantage of a mentor-advisory scheme when growing your business, be mentored by someone who has walked the path you are on now and can guide you through. Another option is to maintain contacts with peers who are on the same path as you are; you all can help each other navigate the obstacle course which is entrepreneurship. There are many options available to you, explore them and toe the path which works best for you. What’s important is to ensure you aren’t going about it blindly.  

Are you loyal or laid-back?

A lot of us- and organisations place emphasis on longevity of service- attrition rate is built into the HR department’s KPI. Exiting staff are seen as being disloyal and staff who have been with an organisation for years are termed ‘loyal’.

The objective of this article isn’t to hypothesize on their loyalty or otherwise- well, maybe not in the way we would expect, it is rather a call for introspection on the employee’s part.

Are you with your current organisation because you have keyed into the organisation’s objective and see yourself as a co-traveller on its journey or are with the organisation because you haven’t found something better and or cannot be bothered to search for a job?

Earlier in this year- 2019, a colleague and I had a conversation around work- we established we had learnt a lot in our current organisation and were developing even as our career was growing. However, a burning question was- do we know enough to thrive in the field of HR- regardless of which organisation we were practicing in, or do we know just enough to thrive in our current organisation?

That is a question anyone who is serious about career development and growth should ask themselves.

We ended the conversation with a resolution to seek for ways to test our knowledge and experience- apply and interview for positions to ascertain if our knowledge and experience can get us better offers or if we were just ‘local champions’.

It’s been a few months and a few tests and we have embraced the experience as learning opportunities. Areas of improvement have been identified and are being worked on. It is important to note that we are both still with our organisations as the objective wasn’t to move, but to identify areas of improvement.

This however isn’t a method I would widely recommend lest we be tempted as in the famous words ascribed to Babatunde Raji Fashola- Former Governor of Lagos state, Nigeria (2007 – 2015)- ‘May our loyalty never be tested.’ But then, maybe it should! Perhaps to sieve out the loyal from the laid-back.

It has been proven that only a minor percentage of the Hi-Po’s start and end their career with an organisation. This in my opinion is attributable to the fact that the top is narrower than the bottom. For example- if there are 4 Hi-Po’s from a class of 10 hired on the same day in different fields. Because of the conditions for career progression which can be roughly summarized to be- the individual has to display the skills and behavior for the next level and there has to be room for progression people will naturally drop off as they go higher and of course it’s narrower on top. There can only be so much room for progression- eventually some of your Hi-Po’s will need to leave to excel elsewhere. This exit will be termed by most to be disloyalty and the laid-back staff, content to continue doing the same thing over the years and progressing slowly will be deemed loyal.

My thought is- we need to get to a place where we can accurately measure results. Did Mr. A achieve more in 6 months than Mr. B in 5 years? If the answer to that question is yes, then Mr. A has done the organisation more good than Mr. B.

Or perhaps, Mr. A is just loyal to aggressively growing his career and slow progress isn’t an option. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being loyal to yourself, like it’s said; we are all CEOs of ‘Me Incorporated’ and we need to run our lives like a business ensuring we are yielding fruits- returns to our stakeholders. Lol.

As employees, I believe- this is perhaps because I am not yet up there having to defend attrition rate; however; I do believe it is better to give your best within a defined period, learn; soak-up as much knowledge as possible, and when the time comes for you to leave- leave on a good note, with your head held high. This I believe is better than making up the numbers and doing the bare minimum under the guise of ‘loyalty’.

The question for every employee today is- are you loyal or laid-back?

It’s Coming For Us All

My colleagues and I were discussing the spate of sexual abuse allegations and we are outraged at the perversity of the situation. All in the room were very righteous in our anger; we couldn’t believe how the ones charged with guiding; protecting and leading us are the ones abusing us.

Then a wrench was thrown in the conversation and the question was asked- you know we have these abusers among us? Right here in this office. Or did we build a special screening into our recruitment process to weed out the abusers? Then the conversation dwindled, because we could suddenly see the other four fingers pointing back at us either as the abusers or the enablers.

The widespread perversity of these allegations leads one to the conclusion that we are all sitting on our pedestal because the book of remembrance hasn’t gotten to our page!

For a people as moralistic as Nigerians, the number of sexual harassment stories coming out of us is alarming!

For a people as moralistic as we are, the number of corruption and fraud cases is alarming!

Or, should be alarming! Perhaps we are the ones making a bigger deal of it that it is.

From the father to the brother, to the sister, uncle, aunt, driver, Teacher, Pastor, Imam, Doctor… Tales abound of abuse. It’s so bad that we have internalized it and it has become…. Normal.

Yes, Normal!

What do you call something that is so pervasive and widespread in the society? What do you call something that with every pair, one has been a victim, witness or abuser?

What do you call this if not normal?

Perhaps we have it wrong and it’s actually not a crime or sin and is just normal. Like a rite of passage, the norm that everyone must suffer sexual abuse at one point or the other in their life. Right? Maybe if we normalize it we will stop forming all the faux outrage. With each story that comes to light, we shout and scream and rage, and tomorrow, it comes for someone else.

It’s coming for us all! Yes it is. As enablers, as abusers it’s coming for us all. Because we turned a blind eye, because we covered it up, because we suppressed it; we emboldened the abuser and they continued their spate of abuse. And the abused becomes the abuser, perpetuating that culture of abuse,  the witness also went on to commit his/her own perversion- afterall uncle lagbaja got away with it, why won’t I?

We have a culture of sexual abuse!

There, I said it. Can we accept it and move on? It’s a culture as ingrained as our cultural attires and food, it’s a culture as old as time.

I can hear the rape apologists taking up their arms, I can hear the ‘moralistic Nigerians’ clearing their throats to refute this claim, I can hear the voices saying but it’s not just in Nigeria! I can hear them all, but I can also hear the voices of the abused- and what’s funny about the voices of the abused is- some of them have been conditioned to believe it’s the normal, it’s their fault, their voices are united with the voices of the apologists and this only serves to strengthen my point- We Have a Culture of Sexual Abuse!

When Ochanya’s story broke, it was befuddling to read that the extended family wanted to suppress the case. When Busola’s story broke, many- till today, made excuses for the abuser. When Ondo state opened a sexual offenders register and commenced the naming and shaming of sexual offenders, it was cringe worthy to see the number of people who were more sympathetic towards the family of the abuser than the abused. When the #sexforgrades story broke, many as usual blamed the exploited girls. Have you seen how they dress? Even a saint will be tempted! These girls offer themselves to the lecturers for grades! On and on the excuses go…

I could go on and on citing examples, it’s all cringe worthy and makes one just want to bathe self in a mixture of hot salt water and bleach, in a bid to get clean of the bile we spew. Or, to bury ones head in the sand for the reality of this is too far reaching.

The reality is- these people, these abusers are us. Your partner whom you can vouch for his/her purity is/ was someone’s abuser. Your parent whom you believe hung the stars is harassing the office cleaner, secretary, junior colleague, contractor. Your sibling who will do anything for you abused the child in the neighboring flat. Your friend, your ride or die, who says all the right things and joins you in taking up arms against the sexual abuser is equally guilty. These abusers are us!

Ex-colleagues from one of the big four accounting firms were reminiscing on the escapades of their ex-bosses and some conditions for progression and my eyes literally bulged out of its sockets! Huh? All-of-them sleek suit wearing, polished people are also demanding sexual favors?

The day the book of remembrance will get to that page………

Someone asked why all of this are coming to light now, is it a new culture, a sign of the times?

The answer to that is an emphatic NO! It’s not coming to light because it’s a recent trend, rather it’s coming to light now because we are SPEAKING UP now. Like someone said, we didn’t inherit our mother’s silence and timidity.

And for those who have a problem with all of the sexual abuse coming to light, I hope it isn’t because you have skeletons you would rather remain buried? Because if you do, berra be prepared, It’s coming for us all, ensure you aren’t on the wrong side of a #metoo campaign!

Article originally published on bellanaija.com

The More Things Change…….

As a child, my uncle taught me how to compare price and value through different periods and across currencies. He said to pick a relatively stable currency- the US Dollar or the British Pounds and compare value. i.e. a product of service which cost N50 in say 1990, the value today will be determined by getting the value of N50 in dollars in 1990, converting that dollar value to Naira today. Not sure if that is a universally acceptable standard of conversion but that lesson has stuck such that I always find myself converting price to Dollars to really ascertain the value of a product or service. My regular vendors know already that I always ask them what the dollar price is for every commodity/ service. I will find out the dollar price of a product, add some for shipping and profit and if the difference between that and your selling price is still too much I will call you out for attempting to rip me off. (Before we are tempted to get into the Buy-Naija-To-Grow-The-Naira conversation, honestly ask yourself what percentage of goods we use isn’t imported. We are an import dependent economy and as such should always be concerned with how our Naira values against the stronger currencies. In any case, that’s not the purpose for this article).

Sometime in 2015, I got a job in Lagos that paid N210k. Wasn’t bad for an entry level job, 210k was a thousand dollars at the time. Unfortunately, in a few short months, my salary commenced a downward slide, it depreciated and kept on depreciating until it got to this current sustained plateau; which isn’t where it started though! Sometime in 2017 it got as bad as 420 dollars (in Naira of course) when the dollar exchanged for N500 to a dollar. Standard of living fell, I was poorer through no fault of mine, the economy just worsened with each passing day. (Before they come for me and try to make it as though I’m referring to luxury items and the likes of imported rice, chicken, seedless grapes (thank you Tolu Ogunlesi), etc. It’s not about that. We all know the basics like pineapple, ogbono seeds, even garri are now imported. Prices have skyrocketed, income keeps declining. How are the people expected to survive?

Fast forward to 2018, through a few promotions and compensation reviews (my organisation was also affected by the economic downturn and had to constrict salary bands); I’m not yet where I was three years ago. To earn the same salary I was offered in 2015, I would have to earn about N360k- but I’m not there yet. So, although I’ve moved up on the Naira income band, it’s been a downward move on the dollar income band, with expenditure on the upward slide on the dollar band.

The economy, ideally should reflect our collective efforts as a people, but in truth is largely dependent on the actions of a few- those in government and the people they have appointed to steer the economy (because we continue to largely be a mono-product economy, despite all white noise to the contrary). And we all know how well those in Government and their hirelings have steered the economy.

So, to repeatedly read on the news in these past few weeks that we are back to the same politicking and politricking witnessed three to four years ago, with the same politicians cross carpeting and/or realigning with no evidence of any change is just sad. The populace are cheering when we need to ask ourselves the hard-mercenary question: what’s the value of this drama? In hard currency! Like the recent bank ad wars; how did it translate to value for the customers? Answer is; nothing changed. Will XYZ moving to 123 party make for better governance? If no, then its just comic relief, the kind which leaves a depressing aftertaste.

These guys (and ladies)- who represent about 1% of Nigeria’s 180million people are just sorting themselves out without any care for the common man- whom they are supposed to be representing, and…. we are entertained! Cheering them on and picking sides, arguing based on our (current) god-fathers and patron. To what end? What change/ benefit did the fence jumping antics of old translate to? (recall when Dino Melaye and co had to scale fences to get into the National Assembly premises) What’s the value of the change received so far? What benefit did we derive from demonizing the hazel-eyed minister? How did the change mantra translate to more money in our pockets? Better infrastructure? Better equipped schools, or even more children in school? Better access to funding for entrepreneurs? We unraveled the snake eating up funds in Jamb, social media was awash with the stories, we’ve put it out that Jamb now remits more into the TSA, but how has that translated to an improved education system?

The answer is: nothing has changed. Rather it has worsened. The more things change, the more they stay the same. This is not about pointing accusing fingers, this isn’t about ethnic or party lines or affiliations. It’s a question of: how have we fared? Let’s have a look at a few examples that will help explain it:

1. We all know at least one person that has lost a job due to the organisation down-sizing or closing. How are those families supposed to survive on a reduced or no-income? We have become the poverty capital of the world. What this means is we have more people sliding into the poverty bracket daily. Let that sink in.

The more people who are out of jobs, the more people we have tending to crime. It’s not an excuse, it’s a basic fact of life; hunger, need, leads even the most honorable to misbehave.

2. Canada (and the western world) has become the ‘migration destination’ of our people. Everyone is migrating and rightly so! Abi? They cannot come and die. Let’s explore how this migration affects Nigeria- serious brain drain! A colleague joked: the only doctors left in the hospitals are the ones who haven’t gotten Canadian visas! As it stands today, we have outsourced healthcare to religious bodies and other such miracle centres.

The hospitals, parastatals, banks, startups, conglomerates, etc. people are leaving. In droves! How does it affect us? Decrease in quality of service, decrease in quality of deliverables- your employees are using work hours to fill out visa applications. The ones that are left behind are thoroughly demotivated. But we are happy, right? After all, it could be worse; so and so could have been president and sell us to Cameroun and other such stories.

3. The third point I would like to point out is that the world is watching. While we are being entertained by the antics of our politicians, the world is watching us and making decisions on the degree of our foolishness. Very embarrassing.

The investor you are courting reads in the news of the traffic gridlock in Lagos- which the government has been unable to provide a lasting solution to for years, and he/she is asking himself if you are wise investment decision because of your operating environment. How productive will the staff who spend half their day in traffic be? If you are now unfortunate to have offices in Apapa and its environs- don’t bother. Because they will ask themselves how people and products will come to you and how the difficulty in navigation will affect product/service availability and pricing.

Your investors read of the mayhem the cattle herders bandits are causing across the nations and how it has affected farmlands. Do you think he/she will be keen on investing in your agricultural endeavor?

 

4. The current difficulty with the PVC registration to me is also a sign of a failed system. We are expected to be at the registration centres as early 5.00am to put our name on a list, then wait around all day and you still might not get to register on that day. Bear in mind, that the information you are required to provide is similar to that provided for your international passport, national ID card, BVN, sim registration, etc. we keep re-providing this information and someone hasn’t had the bright idea that we can synchronise information? We could synchronise all of the previously collected information and have a portal where you can update details like current residential address- make life easier for the citizenry? Possible? Na! how else would we appreciate INEC but through the rigor and difficulty with which it takes to get things done. We are stuck in a rut where we only appreciate something based on the difficulty with which we got it. Cue the- nothing good comes easy people! #FrontlinersinthesufferingOlympics!

I could go on and on, listing the ways the polity has been negatively affected by these present and past politicians, who lack foresight or simply the will to do that which is right. This article probably won’t end. These guys will continue to treat the polity with disdain and we will continue to be a country where anything goes if we do not rise up and demand for better governance.

Here we are in 2018, a good time to remember Tuface’s e be like say.  It’s that time again when they come to woo us with promises that will never materialize. To entertain us with the theatrics which always characterize the electioneering season. Should we continue to allow ourselves to be entertained and perhaps to receive the crumbs that may flow as campaign funds? (did I hear a God forbid?) Is that ideal behavior today- 2018?

Now isn’t the time to be entertained with their antics, this isn’t the time to argue what party is better at corruption or the disregard of the rule of law. Now is the time to demand better from those whom we have elected to rule us. Emphasis on rule us, not rule over us.

In addition to that, we also need to get involved, participate. At the party level, the electoral level. Participate, not in looking to line your pockets, but in looking to better the economy. It’s not about joining one cool kids movement that you don’t know the purpose. Let’s be as selfish as the politicians have proven themselves to be, but let’s be selfish for the common interest; we need to demand for policies that will better majority of the people and not a few. We need to transit from praise singers and bag carriers to active citizens. These politicians are not entertainers, we have Nollywood for that (like Peter Obi said). Its time they stopped these theatrics and got down to the significant business for which they were elected; which is governance.

Someday in the future, I hope to write on how we need to pay attention to people in governance at any level, particularly the state and federal legislature, because therein lies the true power of governance.

Until then, we must be committed to real change and not buzz words. We need to fully occupy the office of the citizen. Because we must.

Brand Review: Zaron Cosmetics

I feel like I’ve done Zaron cosmetics a lot of disservice. I had used their Oil Control Mineral Loose powder sometime in the past and it was ok, but of course I keep going back to my HG powder (BlackOpal loose powder in Neutral Light). Their lipstick pen in Muse (nude) is also a favorite of mine and yet I hadn’t posted a review. (I’m sorry Zaron).

Zaron is a Nigerian owned brand and one for the brands I identified as I try to #buyNaijatogrowtheNaira. Sometime in March, I walked into their Ikoyi store and bought their Face Primer, Healthy Glow Liquid Foundation, Loose Powder, Maxi-blend Compact Powder and ofcourse the lipstick pen (there was the buy one get one free promo at the time of purchase). I have had a few repeat purchases, loved most of the products I have tried, particularly that the products are non-comedogenic and acnegenic. So, here’s my honest review of their products:

1. Healthy Glow Liquid Foundation

I’m currently on my second tube of foundation- the matte variant; and I’ve got to say I’m loving it! It has SP4 30, its medium to full coverage, very buildable, it does do a passably good job of staying matte (although not transfer resistant) and its VERY PIGMENTED! I feel like that’s its greatest quality. All in all, I will give it a 4/5. My only grouse is that it doesn’t stay matte all day, but then- which product stays matte all day in our weather?

2. Oil Control Mineral Loose Powder

This is a good setting powder, it also has SPF, is medium coverage, very very pigmented. Everytime I applied the powder over the foundation, I felt my face was SO bright! I tried using a shade darker and still same difference. I just gave up and went back to my fave powder. I tried blending shades, still couldn’t get my perfect shade. Otherwise; good powder. This gets a 3/5 from me though. Maybe cause its mineral powder and I so badly wanted to switch to mineral powder and not being able to find my shade was a disappointment.

3. Face Primer

This was the product I didn’t really like. My regular primer combines both the priming effect and mattifying effect, this primer did not. Matter of fact, I didn’t see much of a difference between when I wore foundation and powder alone and when I wore the primer. I’m going to pass on rating this product.

 

4. Lip Stick Pen

A bit of a background to my love for lipstick pens: I haven’t had much luck with lipsticks- I like a matte finish, but all the mattes I have tried are always too dry; never blending, be it a tube lipstick or a liquid to matte lipstick; just hasn’t worked for me. However, lipstick pen do work for me. Not just Zaron’s, most lipstick pens do work for me.

I tried Zaron’s lipstick pen and I love it. My only grouse is that it doesn’t last. But it takes a lot for lipcolour to last on my lips, I’m forever pursing my lips or biting it. So, this also gets a 4/5 from me.

5. Maxi-blend Compact Powder

This purchase wasn’t for me but for my mom. She loved it and I loved it on her. Its medium coverage, not streaky or magnify fine lines, long wear and passably matte. I will give it a 4/5 as well.

So, while I’m on my Zaron love, the product I would love to try is: Zaron Perfect Finish Spray. This is what Zaron says about it: Instant moisturizing and relaxing mist that freshens and treats the skin with its ultra-fine micro droplets. It’s light comfortable and sets all types of makeup. Prolonging wear even under extreme conditions. I have never used a finishing spray, would probably get one with my next purchase. If you have used this product, please let me know how it panned out for you, or if there’s a better finishing spray out there, please share in the comments section. And of course, you need to tell us what Zaron products you have used and your opinion.

XOXO

Chinma

PS: This is not a sponsored post, all opinions are mine. You can shop Zaron products here or at any of their nationwide stores. 

You Are Single, What Do You Do With Your Money?

I needed to process a benefit for a colleague, the company in recognizing the difficult economic terrain had amended the rules to indicate that an employee could either get that particular benefit as immediate cash or deferred benefit. I reached out to him to confirm his preference and he gave the response 99% of Nigerians will give in the circumstances (myself included)- he would prefer cash. Because he and I had a friendly relationship, I teased him that why not defer it since it wasn’t a lot of money. He insisted it be paid out immediately, he went on to list a few pressing needs that money could sort and ended with: Shey me I don’t have responsibilities yet, and shey I have a sponsor!

This question/ assumption, alongside the- when are you getting married (or whatever variant of the question the interrogator chooses to use) are one of the most frequently asked questions I currently get. In the workplace, at social events, among friends; it’s like everyone not-single keeps asking this question. The ones not asking are thinking it and will ask it one day.

I find it particularly exhausting. Like everytime it comes up, I’m just tired. The reason for this tiredness is; for everyone who asks this question, I scream a mental not you too! Or another one bites the foolishness dust! And I sigh. Deeply!

I find it particularly sad (and irritating) that someone will believe that any sane person, in this Lagos (regardless of marital status) will choose to put his or herself through the torture of waking up at an ungodly hour everyday- every blessed work day, navigate Lagos traffic, endure shitty less than stellar bosses and work colleagues; because of fulfilment, or to keep busy! Doesn’t make a lick of sense. And calls into question your sense of judgement if you hold that opinion. Maybe if I worked in another city I could better understand the logic behind that question and belief, but because we (my interrogators and I) work in Lagos, I cannot understand it. No matter how much I try.

The logic is, because you are single you don’t have any responsibilities, abi? Single working-class folks are just piling up the money, no responsibilities. Yeah right! It’s even worse when you are female, guys are given a somewhat free pass- because its believed they probably have a girlfriend(s) whom they foot their bills (the belief that men foot their lady’s bill is just bullshit an empty belief. Where are the men who supposedly foot their women’s bills- or even like 50% of the bills (and I’m not referring to transactional relationships)? I haven’t met them and no one around me has! But that’s a rant for another day).

There’s also the ones that will come to borrow money from you and get upset when you decline. That one is just plain old bad behavior.  But then, you’re single; what do you do with your money? Why won’t you have money when I need to borrow it?

Let’s take a step back before I totally go off; while I agree the married person has more responsibilities in that the family is bigger (current nuclear and previous nuclear family), do we stop to think, just for a moment that; perhaps, just maybe the reason the single person is still single is because- current responsibilities will not allow for added responsibilities? Possible? That’s a thought though.

So, you ask the married person for his/her responsibilities- and they always without fail mention their parents and/or siblings in addition to their spouse and children. The question now is- did you just start caring for your parents and siblings when you got married? If no, then perhaps you shouldn’t be asking the single person what he/she does with his/her money. Shouldn’t the answer to that be very easily derived?

A thought does occur to me though, maybe I shouldn’t be looking at this lapse in memory as a single event but should look at it from the perspective that we Nigerians have very short memories and can believe the most outrageous things. All it takes for something to become authentic is for us to hear it being repeated often or repeated by someone we believe knows better (an influencer- off and on-line).   Even when someone is trying to rejig our memory and to remind us of past events that negate our current conclusions, or to logically point out another perspective, we adamantly refuse to reason because it is said or Lagbaja said so. Case in point- pre and during 2015 elections. Its 2018 and some of us have still not regained our reasoning.

Or perhaps I should situate this question (and other such) in terms of the fact that we are naturally nosy people who never mind our business. Maybe if I did, I won’t find it so sad or irritating. With us, if it isn’t this one thing it’s another, we are always all up in other people’s business at the detriment of ours. It’s a proven fact that Nigerians are very good at putting out fires in other people’s fields while our kitchen is on fire. And when someone points out that our kitchen is on fire, we deny with our last breath, even when the smoking kitchen is obvious for all to see; our kitchen isn’t on fire. Case closed. That’s our story. Or do you want to argue with the owner of the house about the state of his/her house?

 

To avoid being on the giving or receiving end of offense, we should all learn to mind our business. Might be difficult, particularly for those of us for which it will be like learning new skills in old age, but it must be done. It isn’t my business what I do with my pay- the company which pays me doesn’t ask me what I do with the money they pay me; and that’s because I have worked for the money. Same way you shouldn’t ask me why I am yet to marry or have a child, or get a masters, or go bungee diving, or have a plastic surgery for the heck of it. We should all pay attention to our businesses aka: Mind Your Business! It isn’t that difficult. Abi? How difficult can it be to mind your own business?

This article was initially published here on BellaNaija.

Photo credit: Dreamstime/BellaNaija

Product Review: Hegai & Esther Photo Perfect Pressed Powder

Hello everyone and welcome to #BeautyFridays. On the first series this year, I’m going to review Hegai & Esther Photo Perfect Pressed Powder.

You all know I’m a loose powder girl, but this pressed powder like Mac studio fix, I love. Hegai & Esther is a Nigerian brand I stumbled upon sometime late 2016 and fell in love with. Throughout 2017, I used their foundation and reviewed it here

Towards the end of 2017, I decided to take a break from my fave Black Opal Deluxe finishing powder which I mentioned here as one of my fave products of 2016. Matter of fact, that was a mistake, it’s my favorite powder of all times. Though I’m loving the H&E Pressed powder right now.

So, back to how I got to try the powder; I bought the H&E Shine off loose Powder in fade 1 which is actually their lightest shade. The reason for this is my perfect shade of their foundation is somewhere between Mango and Biscuit, and I typically have to blend both shades as one is too dark and the other pasty. On the day I bought the loose powder, I thought: rather than buy 2 foundations and 1 powder, why don’t I get the powder in a lighter shade and foundation in Mango (which is typically for me), cost saving right? Error: it cam out a burnt orange. To compound it the first day I tried it I wore orange. This is a picture of me after I had tried blending with my fave powder.

Orange much?

And its not the dress, because I did wear the dress another day and didn’t look orange!

Anyways, I sent the H&E team a complaint mail and they responded. That’s one thing I love about the H&E team; they are very responsive. I was informed it was possibly a case of mismatched undertones and that they would love to swap the product with the new Photo Perfect pressed powder and I could come tot heir office in December to swap.

December was busy for me, and I finally made it down to their office in January (by this time I had won some additional products in an Instagram competition! lol!

See my gift haul below:

Shineoff Loose powder in Deep (I guess this is for contouring), eyebrow stencils, Eyeliner, Bare Neutrals Eye colour, etc. Thank you to H&E!

And here’s the replacement powder:

Hegai & Esther Photo Perfect Loose Powder in HC24

For this powder, it was love at first use. It applies like a dream and gives a natural finish, which I love (I’m in my minimalist phase).

 

Product packaging

It came neatly packaged, like all pressed powders. It didn’t have that protective film for the mirror, but it was nicely set with the mirror very clean. This is good.

Application

The product applied beautifully, setting my foundation nicely. It says on the pack that it can be worn with or without foundation (for a light coverage). What I love though is that it can be used for touch ups without a cakey or ashy look.

Price

The website says it retails for N3,500, which puts it in the affordable range.

For now, I’m loving the powder. It’s not matte in the long run, but the color does stay true.

Will I buy again: definitely yes. You can shop H&E products here.

PS: This is not a sponsored post, the brand is just one that has impressed me with their quality, responsiveness and continuous improvement.

Have you used any H&E products, did you like it, please let me know in the comments section.

Happy New Year

Welcome to:

Hope 2017 was good for you? Good or bad; we are in 2018 and there’s a lot to look forward to: brighter future, fulfilled wishes, greater blessings and Russia 2018! lol (you all know I love football tournaments, right?)

So, this year should be the year of no excuses, write down your dreams, make it plain, hold yourself accountable, kick ass this year and here are my wishes for you: may all your wishes be met, may all your dreams come true, may you find that which you seek. Here’s to a greater 2018; have a blast!

The Other Woman

This article was conceived in Lagos traffic. There’s nothing new about Lagos traffic; it’s where talents are developed and lost, and majority of the population waste away, slowly, daily, unknowingly.

So, there I was in home-bound, distracting myself with twitter when I stumbled on an article about the late Princess Diana, and since no article on Princess Diana can be complete without a mention of Camilla Parker Bowles, I also did a quick google search on Camilla. I had always been curious about her and it beat looking out at the sea of cars and wondering why we aren’t yet closer to our destination. I had always thought of Camilla as ‘the other woman’, I bet that’s how most of the world sees her. I think I read somewhere there was a time she was the most hated woman on earth! That evening I tried to read up on the woman for whom Prince Charles was willing to give up the throne, I tried to keep an open mind regardless of my views. I’ve always had this feeling this is not the life she would have chosen, it couldn’t have been easy being the world’s most hated mistress.

I’m staunchly #teammarriage or perhaps #teammonogamy I don’t care if the love is written in the stars by the gods, if they are married; leave them alone! It doesn’t matter if they are reasonable in the marriage, you shouldn’t date them until they decide they want out of the marriage. However, the same me loves the series- Scandal, as a matter of fact I loved it better when Fitz and Mellie were married and Olivia was the other woman. Olivia had gumption, she was the strong ‘single’ lady who could make or break the American presidency; while Mellie, though no push-over was constrained by the ‘Mrs.’ title, I think the script writers didn’t do her character justice.

Either way and inspite of my love for Olivia Pope, I’m still #teammonogamy! I believe marriage is a binding contract and like all contracts should be adhered to with all parties abiding by its terms. At any time either of the parties chooses or needs to walk away all they have to do is notify the other party, have a conversation and observe the terms and conditions of disengagement. Like an employment contract; it’s unethical to be in full term employment with ABC industries and at the same time employed by XYZ industries. The moment you get the employment with XYZ you must leave ABC. Clean break!

Then I thought of the side hustle, most people have one and it does not actively interfere with their day job. Could the relationship with the mistress be termed ‘the side hustle’? Let’s not go down that lane because then we have to think of the sequence of activities that have to take place for *Chike to move to XYZ. He must apply, attend interviews, negotiate with XYZ, while still at ABC! Now liken that to a marriage, the application and interview process is already termed cheating in my mind. For me, the moment you see the XYZ ad and decide to apply; please let’s have a conversation and agree to part amicably. I cannot come and be thinking you are still on my team while you are testing the waters outside. But then, how can you resign when you aren’t sure you will get the new job or that the terms they will offer will be favorable? Also, you could see an opportunity that doesn’t require your full-time attention and allows you to merge it with your day job successfully without either suffering. There are even cases where the boss and colleagues know of the side hustle and even patronize you- lol, I can’t liken that one to a relationship o! It’s mind boggling; very French!

So, I tried to have this conversation with my friend to be sure I haven’t fallen off the #teammarriage wagon by beginning to understand what drives ‘the side hustle’.  She made matters worse by trying to rationalize why people look outside and the economic importance of ‘the other woman’. She cited the 2014 rom-com: The Other Woman. She was of the opinion that Leslie Mann’s character- Kate didn’t have that extra pizzaz a fine young upwardly mobile man’s wife should have and even her biological children will have cheated on her! In her opinion, it wasn’t all bad; Carly and Amber took off a lot of pressure for Kate, her husband came home happy not snappy, etc. I need new friends!  

We did distil that thought though, Kate probably wasn’t like that before marriage, she most likely had the ‘extra’, enough to get herself to the alter. Whatever happened after the vows, in the movie she said she gave up a lot for her husband, but we all saw how it turned out. But why are we like that; very promising before marriage or before we are offered a job but quick to get complacent once we’ve settled in be it at our job, in a relationship, everywhere (happens with the best of us). You know, when that happens; we leave room for another to shine just by standing beside our lack-lustre form be it the other woman or a colleague.

Another argument is that it’s not always about the other woman being better, it just might be that: the heart wants what the heart wants! Lol that could be it right? That might explain why Prince Charles knowing he couldn’t marry Camilla at the time never stopped longing for her even after marrying Princess Diana. If is do say so myself, those two have proved their affection wasn’t just a fluke by having been together these long. (I can’t believe I am understanding their relationship! Where’s my #teammarriage hat)?

I refuse to attempt to understand what drives or fuels ‘the other woman’, it could be love, greed, the wife’s inadequacies or plain old curiosity. Neither can I fathom living with that arrangement, no matter how hard I try (I’m too selfish to understand the concept of sharing in the context of marriage). I was once tempted, guy was tempting for days, we gelled, within a day of meeting him it was like we had known each other forever; finished off each other’s sentences, had the same tastes; well except on the tiny issue of monogamy. And it was on that point I stood to say; not today devil!  (be like me, where’s my white hat?) It doesn’t matter if the African society is traditionally polygamous and we actively or passively share depending on our religious inclination or the choices of our partners. I’m firmly #teammarriage!

So, here are my questions; for what reasons can we justify the existence of ‘the other woman’, have you ever found yourself knowingly or unknowingly as ‘the other woman’ or if you are #teammonogamy like me but admire Olivia Pope or any other mistress, how do you cope with the double standards?

Images Credit: Google Images

For Adults on Children’s Day

Aunt Nikki* called out to me as I walked past her shop. I was hoping she won’t see me as I walked past, but alas I wasn’t so lucky. She spotted and called out to me.

I summoned up my trademark smile and turned to her. “Kaa Aunty.” (Good evening aunty) I greeted her.

“Chinma imelagi?” (Chinma how are you?) She asked in response.

“Adim mma. I lua le?” (I’m fine, are you back?) I asked her. I asked her referring to the trip I knew she had taken recently.

“Alua lem. Mommy gi a?” (I’m fine. How is your mom?) She responded and asked.

On and on the conversation went. When I finally continued my journey, a thought occurred to me: I had become my mother!

My mother is the strongest woman I’ve met, just by being, she challenges me to be better. Let’s not even get into her beauty; my sister and I have concluded our family’s beauty is one that gets better with age. That’s the only way to get through the ‘your mom is more beautiful than you’ comments. I love and admire my mom very much, so much that I love it when people say I’m just like her. But I don’t want to be ‘all of her’. There’s some of her character I would rather do without. Top of my mind is the ‘Nigerian’ greeting culture.

The greeting/ conversation with Aunt Nikki that just happened, was exactly how my mom would have greeted her. And if I were with my mom at the time (or maybe a few years earlier) I would have said a simple ‘good evening’ and walked ahead a few paces to wait for my mom and aunt Nikki to ask about everything and everyone while silently wondering why they couldn’t just say a quick good evening and walk away.

But here I am, replicating that same behavior I would love to not do. I imagine a lot of young adults are in my shoes, wondering how we got to replicate behavioral patterns we dislike. Some of us have come to realise that the world isn’t so black and white and issues aren’t so clear cut. The clarity of our childhood and youth has been eroded by this adult thingy and we are on our way to being our parents, guardians, teachers, mentors.

I have used an example that’s easy, almost a non-issue, but when you really examine every other of your behaviors and mannerisms, you will find yourself replicating your parents or the people you associate with. In the good and the bad. That’s how issues like polygamy, domestic violence, lawlessness, drunkenness, etc. become family traditions. A child will do what he/she sees you do a hundred times befre he/she will do what you have asked him to do once. In the words of Dr. Gregory House of ‘House’ medical series: monkey see, monkey do!

Try as we can, we cannot run away from the influence of our formative years, which is why as parents we need to nurture our children with this consciousness. Knowing fully well that we are the bows from which our children as living arrows are sent forth.

For our sakes as much as theirs, we need to do better. We need to be the future we hope to see. It’s not enough to want to do better, we need to actually do better. Ko ba le da! (so that it can be well).

 

Teach the children so it will not be necessary to teach the adults. – Abraham Lincoln.

Have a happy Children’s day!

*Not real name.

 

What’s in a name?

A name is an identity, something for which you’re known, which you stand for.

So what’s my hang-up about names?

People have done battle because of a change of name, society attaches so much importance to a name; whatever it may be. Well, as it rightly should. So if I say my name is bla-bla-bla, it is my name. You have no right to change or refine it! Or misspell or mispronounce it.

Here’s the thing: I meet you or I write to you and I introduce myself as; Chinma. What that is saying is; please refer to me as Chinma. Please don’t go fishing, it’s not a time to ask: will that be Miss, Ms. or Mrs. Chinma? Like those irritating customer care agents. Neither do I expect you to reply me mispronouncing or misspelling my name, if you didn’t hear me clearly please seek clarification. Thank you very much.

It’s particularly irritating if it’s a written correspondence and I have written ‘Chinma’ or ‘Chidinma’ as the case may be, and then you reply or refer to me as ‘Chima or Chindinma’. Haba! I know us Nigerians struggle with names of people from other tribes or complicated names, but: the name is there, written in plain text, all you had to do was copy and paste. That’s not difficult nau, I haven’t asked you to spell my name, and it’s not a test, just get the spelling of my name.

You see us Nigerians are finicky about such things. For some, it’s the title: Chief, Dr., Professor, High Chief (definitely different from a mere ‘chief’), Mrs., etc. we all have our names and titles and are finicky about such things.

I think it stems from the fact that our names have meanings and importance; a letter added here or taken out there gives a name a totally different meaning. See the Chinma- Chima example: Chinma- Good God, Chima- God Knows. See why someone will have a problem with you misspelling or mispronouncing his/her name? Or it could be about Chidinma- God is good, Chimdinma- my God is good. In this case, just one letter differentiates the names and its wrong to think just because you don’t understand it that it’s the same. Seyi is not the same as Sayo. Pay attention to the details for that’s where the devil is lurking.

This is like a person saying; this is who I am and you (respondee) are saying; this is who you are! Like seriously? Who are you to change my name? Who are you to decide not to use my title or whatever?

There’s also this thing about special names for certain people based on relationship. If I’m walking on the street and I hear my name it’s Lagos, I won’t turn. Lol, I already have an idea of what kind of relationship I have with the caller or where we’ve met by what he/ she calls me. So that provides clarity. Caveat: If you are present at that meeting, it’s not a call to start calling me honey bun or sweet cheeks because you heard my dear aunty call me that! No, stay in your own lane with regards to what you call me.

There’s also the thing about given names vs preferred names. Say; mama and papa decide to name their child; baby boy, and the child grows and decides to be known as; wizchild. Lol. The rule I will follow for this is; call the person what he has insisted he should be called i.e. what he has introduced himself as. QED.

This name thingy, it can be as e get o, people take serious offence to being called something they will not prefer or not being called what they prefer. It can be the difference between getting a lucrative contract and not getting it. It can be the difference between getting a job and not getting it. Front office and customer facing staff kind-off understand it, hence their asking us; will that be Miss or Mrs.? But…. I think the rule you should follow is: refer to the person as the person has introduced himself. Imagine sending me a request mail referring to me as Chindinma!!! You have successfully pissed me off already nau, case closed.

To avoid this, I will suggest the use of the ma and sir rule. Trust me you can get away with that any day or time. Just politely refer to the person as ma and sir.

So, in conclusion; what’s the big deal about a name one might ask? I would say it’s about the fact that it is a differentiating nomenclature. Differentiates A from B, it tells of a story. Mine says my parents looked at me and thought how good God is. Yours might testify that your parents looked at you and felt joy unspeakable or prophesied goodness into your life. Whatever the case may be, it is your name and no one has a right to change it.

For all of you who specialize in misspelling and mispronouncing names; God is watching you. For those who have had or constantly have their names destroyed; I feel your pain, share your story.

Till next week, wishing you love and light!

Happy New Month, Welcome to April

It’s the beginning of the 2nd quarter! The first quarter was a blast, or was it? Lol!

Personally, I felt like it dragged. But….. We’re happy to see it go. And this month is Easter!!!!

So, as we begin the 2nd quarter; I  wish us all God’s grace and blessings. May this month be all that we wish it is.

Have a great month y’all, wishing you Joy always.

We should all have filters!

My friend Eka* is the go to person when you need honest, no bullshit advice. She serves it hot. However, as time went on we began to notice Eka’s honesty was bothering on brutality/ fault finding. We quickly crowned her the ‘chairperson- fault finders association’. However, as the days rolled into years, we found her ‘frank speaking’ to be a little too…. I don’t know: too frank, tinged with bitterness, I don’t know.

Eka termed it: us being allergic to the truth, she believed we were ‘beginning to do bad things’ which we knew couldn’t hold up under the light! Lol.

I don’t think so, matter of fact; I have this sneaky suspicion Eka is kinda seeing the word through (what’s the opposite of rose colored glasses?) muddy glasses and sees everything as muddy. My thoughts, but in the spirit of this article; I won’t be the one to tell Eka. And if you’re my friend and are reading this and think you are Eka; maybe, maybe not, sha call me.

These days I’m so scared of stepping on people’s toes, I’m literarily working on egg shells and if you know me you’ll know ‘I’m as clumsy as I am elegant. Like one minute I’m balancing a stack of fine china in my left hand, and the next I’m shattering well-arranged on a stack china’- that was just a figure of speech and if you can’t understand it; I can’t help you. Or, sorry; I can and will interpret when I can speak it in plain English.

The point to this whole song and dance is; people are on edge and we should all have filters. I should have completed this article yesterday, perhaps with it fresh in my mind I would have a ‘zen-ful’ evening.

I lost it yesterday evening; like a lot of people have been doing. You see ehn, I’m just as human as the rest of us. Matter of fact, I’m the first to claim our humanity- like I wear it like a badge so no-one ever expects me to perform miracles. Mi le se ju ara mi! So, as I was saying; I totally sincerely regret loosing it last night, but the actions of the other person; like ki lo de? Why is it so impossible difficult for older ones to listen to the younger ones, even when you have been proven right time and time again (that I believe should be a conversation for another day)?

Anyways, back to this article; as we go about our daily activities, we all need filters.

For those not in the know; filters in this case or as used in this article refers to the picture filters used on photography apps. Filters can be used to enhance or edit a picture, blot out or cover the defects we will love to hide. We need these filters to be able to blot out, cover, ignore defect; so we can see the beauty in everyone and everything. As against ‘fault finding’ like Eka.

Filter is what will have you saying; ‘not today devil’ in the face of provocation and avoiding that provocation. Filters will get you to a place of zen, everything looking all peachy; seeing lemons as a call for lemonade and overripe banana as a chance to bake banana bread! Lol!

Why should we have filters? Because you and I are on edge, our reality today is that to survive in Nigeria is HARD! People are struggling with a lot and you don’t know what just might tip the other person over. The economy is in the gutters and nothing spreads despair like lack of money. Wait a minute, the economy is also DEPRESSED! So you can understand why I’m on here asking you all to spread love and light, right? Because you just might not know who is close to the doing something stupid, I’m sure we don’t want anybody’s actions weighing on your conscience.

Here’s what I advise:

1. Remember the old saying: ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything’? Revamp it. Learn to hold your tongue if you don’t have anything positive to say. This might be a tad difficult if your opinion is sought and saying something nice will be falsehood. This is where you need to apply the next rule:
2. Speak with tact: diplomacy. You know that art of speaking where you can ask someone to go to hell and they will reply: ‘with all pleasure’? Learn it. It is profitable.
3. Count to a hundred, or at least twenty. Sha do some mental calculation before you respond. Not easy to do, yes, but learn it. Lest someone’s foolish action weigh on your conscience.

And if you feel what’s against you is mre than what’s for you? Please read Mountains or Miracles

4. Finally; it’s never that bad! So long as the person hasn’t killed someone, it isn’t ever that bad. Think this, do not take anything to heart, share love and light wherever you go, and may the peace of God which surpasses all human understanding keep your heart and mind in the knowledge and love of God. Amen.

*Not real name.

Images credit: google.com

Product Review: Nature’s Gentle Touch Relaxer

You all know I’m team #processednaturalhair, right? So recently, I’ve been feeling like something had gone wrong with my preferred relaxer brand, or maybe it was just ‘product adaptation’¹, but it wasn’t as effective as it used to be.

I passively considered changing, but the question was; to which one? Relaxer isn’t something I pay premium attention to and I wasn’t about to go on a trial spree with my hair. Then I came across a Nature’s Gentle Touch ad, can’t remember exactly if it was an Instagram ad or one of the online store ads. Anyways, I researched on it, read it’s an herbal blend and all….. I decided to try it.

My hair is the original comb breaking koko hair. Fast growing, almost unmanageable. I put it to the Nature’s Gentle Touch by Recare test, no, it was the other way round; I tested the product on my hair and I can honestly give it a positive review.

The relaxer comes in regular and super blend, I used the super formula; hooked up by my cousin CJ, applied by my regular stylist. CJ tried to get me to go to Nature Gentle Touch’s salon in VI and I was like; just to relax my hair? Lol.

In the pack is the crème relaxer, an activator, shampoo, protein rich conditioner and leave in conditioner (in order of usage). Oh and not forgetting the pair of gloves and usage instructions.

So, James² scooped some relaxer into a mixing bowl and activated it according to instructions. Unfortunately I don’t have pictures from the application process, not even pictures immediately after. The relaxer was applied to new growth (you all know we rarely follow the timing instructions and only wash off when it begins to burn). We used only the enclosed products for washing, conditioning and leave-in conditioning. The only different product used was original organic shea butter, which is all the hair crème I use. The hair was straightened and I was low-key impressed but held back from giving it full praise.

Four days later and my straightened hair still looked good, I decided to review the product. This is a rare occurrence (last time it happened was in the first few applications with the previous relaxer). And typically by this time I should have had to plug in my flat iron, but no, this held through. Today is its fifth day and I can honestly give Nature’s Gentle Touch thumbs up and will gladly recommend.

You all, go try it out and let me know what you think.

¹Product adaptation is whereby you are adapted to a particular product such that it looses its efficacy. Happens very often with skincare products.

²My hairstylist

Mountains or Miracles

What do you see?

Between the devil and the deep blue sea. Whenever I think of that those words I always put on my analysis hat, like what are my options were I in that position:

• The devil: death- physical and spiritual
• The deep blue sea: I could thread water to safety for as long as my strength can carry me, I could be rescued, or I could drown; and die physically. But with the hope of life everlasting.

It’s never that bad.

It really truly isn’t ever that bad!

I had a whole different post ready and in my drafts, but this came to me and I just had to type up and share. The recent reports of suicide is alarming. I’m just going to stay in my neck of the woods and talk about Nigeria’s recent suicide crisis. We never used to be like this. We used to be so resilient. Remember the jokes about how if you pushed a Nigerian to the wall he/she will break the wall down and keep going, surviving, thriving. Recently it appears as though everything has gone south and a lot of us are taking the suicide route. The despair and hopelessness I see in people is alarming. People are sad, and solace, through joy can only be found in God (I don’t care what anyone thinks).

A lot of people are weighed down with the cares of the world and with the feeling that no one knows what you’ve been through or are going through. Truth is; everyone has their own pain, no one lives on easy street.

There’s always hope!

We need to move beyond seeing the mountains and seeing the miracles. Take each victory and mining it for all its worth.

Where have we gone wrong?

I think part of the problem is our judgmental attitude as Nigerians (my opinion). Every one of us are ‘Judge Judy’ prototypes and card carrying members of ‘The Fault Finders Association’. We are always seeking for where to lay blame or a fault to highlight. I’ve heard people share their burden and find themselves being blamed for something or the other.

We have such a terrible culture of shaming and judging the victims that people are wary of opening up. There’s no shame in being depressed, in every mental illness; it’s an ailment such as malaria and typhoid. There’s also not shame in having made bad decisions; financial, marital, career, etc. There’s no shame in having done something bad. Truth is, as much as we like to think we grow older and wiser; we still and will still make mistakes.

PSA:

Dearest Nigerians, it’s not all the time find fault, or proffer solution. Sometimes, just listen. Half the time a solution comes to the ‘sharer’ by just voicing the thoughts. I think Nigerians generally have a problem with listening in silence but….. that’s a topic for another day.

Another reason I think could be responsible for this is the fact that we have few licensed mental health practitioners. And please this does not read: motivational speaker, life coach, religious leader or community elder. The available ones are few and far between. Psychologist and Psychiatrist are not glamorous professions! I remember when in school and even currently, people do not understand what Psychology or Psychiatry is all about. They read Psychiatry to mean; Mad people’s doctor and Psychology to mean: mind reader, and they are like: ‘why should anyone spend school time studying how to read minds’. The more enlightened will think: counselor, and think: anyone can be a counselor. Yes some people are naturally gifted in counselling, but hello?? Are you licensed?

The few times I open up myself to listen and counsel, it almost always ends with; ‘Chinma you are good at this, I feel better already, you should practice your discipline.’ I always remind the person that a first degree in Psychology does not a counselor make, in fact I need at least a Masters with PhD in view to be able to practice. What helps me and what people find most valuable is a lesson I actually learnt from my sister. She might not remember this conversation but years ago she had once unburdened herself to me and I responded in kind. She later told me that there are some times when the person just wants to be listened to and not joined in the pity party. I never forgot that lesson. It sunk in better than the classes my mom paid for. Added to the fact that I’m more of a listener than a speaker.

A problem shared is a problem solved/ halved?

Depends on who you share with, it can quickly become a problem compounded. I know for a lot of people it’s about not being able to see past their problems and getting to a neutral point where they can give good advice, for some others it’s also about not having the full picture of the situation. Which is why full disclosure is required to be able to be helped.

If someone happens to approach you for counselling, listen, pray with the person, encourage the person to get professional help (prayer and medical help are not mutually exclusive). Don’t counter with a ‘if I tell you my own problems you will feel sorry for me’. Listen and offer advice as your opinion, not as the gospel (except unless you are quoting the gospel purely and not giving it your own interpretation).  Help the person to see the miracles and opportunities that can arise from the situation no matter how bad. Don’t give advice you won’t take, if you are at a loss for what to say; don’t say anything, refer the person to someone else you think can help. A hug, a prayer, a reassuring ‘it is well’, will serve better than a judgement or ill advice.

I say to you who feels like the walls are closing in on you, get help. Your need, pain, feelings are valid. Get help, professional help! Yes, you are not the worst hit in whatever situation you find yourself, but get help. yes, no be your own bad pass, but get help! Keep seeking help until you find it. And when all else fails, look to God not man. I pray that your eyes be opened like the prophet’s servant in the Bible to see the angels who are for you and to recognize that they are more than they that are against you.

Most importantly, keep your head up!

Your Colleagues are NOT your Friends

Or maybe they are!

Most organizations are high pressured. The 8-5 thingy is long gone and has been replaced with 5-8 or 10pm (depends on office-home proximity) and for organizations that are still compliant to this timeline, to resume for work at eight means you must have left your home by 7 at the earliest. And if you live in traffic filled Lagos and have to do the Island-Mainland commute, chances are you have to leave your home as early as 5am in some cases and you’re getting home by 8-9pm on a good traffic day. So if you factor in your commute time you see your job isn’t really an 8-5, more like a 4am to 10pm (preparation time included).

For some who are lucky to live in the same neighborhood as their colleagues, carpooling is an option. This in effect will mean you are with your colleagues from as early as 5:30am as the case may be until about 10pm. The argument is; since you spend most of your time at work and with your colleagues, why can’t you be friends with them? Valid question.

Also, there is the fact that the long hours we spend at work as against anywhere else necessitate the forming of a bond that transcends work. After-all, how and where are friendships formed- isn’t it often at places where people meet very often and find themselves to share similar ideals? Places like- schools- nursery to tertiary, places of worship, leisure and WORK.

The thing however is, the work environment is very competitive and you can only be friends in every sense of the word if you don’t report to the same boss and there is never a reason to compare you both. Which in most organizations with cross functional teams is almost impossible.

I cannot totally rule out office friendships, being that the strength or otherwise of any friendship is dependent on the level of maturity of the parties involved. But the thing with the variety grown in the office is it’s subject to all the roforofo that goes with the office environment. Can you objectively assess your friend (if the relationship is across cadres), or if there’s just a spot to move up as there often is; will you let your friend get it or will your friendship be done in as a result of the competition to move up?

I have friends which the friendship grew in the office space. friendships that transcend culture and sometimes age. i have friends whom we’re no longer colleagues but have remained friends. But some friendships haven’t been so successful. Take the story of Jane and Mary* who were colleagues, friends, and sisters. They both resumed for duty on the same day, their husbands knew each other, and everyone knew them as friends. Until their immediate supervisor resigned and their manager needed to make a decision on who will step into the vacant role. The manager chose to place them on a rotational probation; they took turns being supervisors. Before long, cracks appeared in their relationship. It was obvious a decision will be made one day and each of them wanted the decision to be in their favor. They began competing, each trying to outshine each other and when the decision was made in neither of their favor, the friendship had been ruined.

Like I said earlier, the office environment is one filled with intrigues, drama, competition, etc., and it’s easy to see how friendships will be lost in a bid to get ahead. The male folk tend to be able to manage this things better (guys don’t have wahala). Like someone said to me; ‘if I can’t make friends with my colleagues whom I spend the greater part of my day with, then I won’t have friends’. I agree totally, but with a caveat; remember, you are colleagues first before friends.

This article isn’t meant to scare you off friendly relations with your colleagues, for like every relationship; the work space relationship has its own challenges as well. It’s rather meant to remind you; Your colleagues are NOT your friends.

Have a great day.

*Not real name

Dear Women, #Beboldforchange

It is said that ‘women are their own worst enemies’ and this is largely true. Behind the downfall of a woman is another woman. As we celebrate this year’s International Women’s day with the theme: Be Bold for Change, my question to you dear sister is: what change are you driving?

The IWD has identified the following ways in which we can #Beboldforchange:

• I’ll challenge bias and inequality
• I’ll campaign against violence
• I’ll forge women’s advancement
• I’ll celebrate women’s achievement
• I’ll champion women’s education

Visit the IWD page to pledge to be Bold for change.

A lot of us might say all of the things on there are beyond my control. That may be so, but the things within your control, how have you changed the status?

• Things like the way you treat your subordinates (female bosses are the most difficult to manage)
• It’s also in the way you treat others less privileged than you
• How about the way you treat your daughters and sisters-in-law (let’s not get started on the mother-daughter-in-law thingy)

If you really examined it, you will see that it’s not so difficult to stand for change. Like the hymn Jesus bids us shine by Susan Warner says;

Jesus bids us shine,

With a pure, clear light,

Like a little candle,

Burning in the night.

In this world is darkness,

So let us shine–

You in your small corner,

And I in mine.

We can shine, change our little or small world. Challenge gender bias, inequality, campaign against gender based violence; be a woman’s woman! Have the back of your sisters the way guys have each other’s back; so when we speak men will listen and not sneer at us.

As we join the conversations and narratives tomorrow in the pursuit of gender equality and fight against cultural biases that inhibit our growth and potential, let us remember that change begins with how we as women see, treat and fight for other women. Change does not just begin with us, it begins when we change!

Conversation: The Price of a Car Ride?

Hello darlins, how have you been. 

I’ve been MIA a lot of times, I’m sure quite a lot of you have given up on me. E ma binu si mi, ejo!

So, you all know I write based n inspiration, well for a while lady inspiration has gone on a vacation such that I haven’t been able to finish the Breaking the Silence series. (I have faith though, one day I will finish it). 

Rather dear darling Lady inspiration has chosen to gift me with resurrected Random thoughts kind of like the Ms Psyche series of the past. Matter of fact I have a few of this articles in my draft. So I said to myself; I’m just going to post them. Apologies to all ye drama likers (myself inclusive), it’s just not coming, for now. 

So, here you go, I hope you like. Let me know what you think either way.

We’ve often had to ride with someone; either by carpooling, ride sharing or good old fashioned asking for a ride. On these rides, I gather social norm and expectation is that the least you could do is to converse the driver and co-passengers and enliven the ride.

However, in my rebelling, anti- all things normal mode, I ask: is it compulsory? Must I gist with you because you offered me a ride?

I’m guilty of a lot of projecting, I imagine everyone is, I just am confident enough to say it. I project my thoughts, feelings, reactions to others and I judge that way. I ask myself: what will Chinma do? That helps me have an idea of what the other person will do. I also try to be fair and flexible, making allowances for individual differences and I wonder why others don’t? Like, you should understand when someone isn’t chatty and just let the person be. Don’t come with the amebo-masked-as-concern and be asking leading questions upandan like we’re in an interview session.

I work a busy schedule- 8am to 6pm at the very least, which demands me speaking with people, and moving around the office (or where I need to go), such that at the close of the day I am tired! Bone tired. So the journey to and fro work for me should be a restful one with me relaxing my brain and not having to keep up a conversation. Does that make me antisocial? I don’t think so. If you meet me in my chatty mood, when I’m with my peeps and there’s gist; you will say ‘this girl can talk! Does she ever keep quiet?’ but if you meet me when I don’t have anything to say, you will think ‘this girl is boring’. Lol! All these sides, are all me, the chatty and the moody (or silent). To be honest, more often than not I just want to be with my books, a movie and some music. The chatty side only comes out when I have gist. Most importantly I can’t get why a full grown adult cannot just not talk. Like keep quiet or allow silence sometimes, but that’s a rant an article for another day.

So, I got thinking on why car rides cannot just be silent. Or we listen to the radio, music, endless options. The radio presents an opportunity for unplanned conversation. Just tune into a talk show, before you know it everyone in the car has joined in on the conversation. No brain work required. Then I heard some people consider this rude! I really truly threw up my hands in surrender at this point.

I do some of my finest thinking in traffic and if I’m driving, I do not need you to keep me awake or conscious of the road. Thanks, I will do just fine. I was very surprised when a friend said he will not give a ride twice to anyone who doesn’t talk during the first ride. And I was like; bros kilode! It’s just a car ride! And it isn’t just him, I’ve heard people insist that sharing a ride and not chatting is rude. This summation has me wearing my rebellious hat again! I don’t require conversation when I’m driving, why should you require it of me when I’m a passenger in your car? It’s so annoying that some days I wish for the anonymity of public transport.

And that brings me to another point of confusion: the chatty taxi drivers! Like ahn ahn that’s the height of the whole thing! Don’t get me wrong; I have had one very good experience chatting with an Uber driver, but other than that, please let’s keep the ride as silent as possible. This is not because I don’t find the driver a worthy conversation partner, but because I like my peace and quiet during car rides. Thank you very much.  I once rode with a driver whom I noticed was sleepy; I calmly reached into my bag and offered him chewing gum. No long story, no chit chat to keep him awake; and he didn’t sleep again.

The funny thing is; I think this conversation-in-car thingy is like everything else we have come to accept as a norm. The belief that you have to make conversation during a car ride has been passed down from generation to generation such that it’s become the norm and we who do not find it necessary are the abnormal ones.

Maybe it’s because I’m a big believer in self-sufficiency and not depending on another (not being overly dependent that is), I just think the whole expected conversation being the price of a car ride or like it’s widely believed; contribution towards an enjoyable ride is a bit …… I don’t know; unfair, unrealistic, un-something….  

So, what do you think, is not keeping up conversation in a car ride sacrilegious as some think, or is it just ok. What are your preferences?

*Images credit: Google.com

Happy New Month!

Its the third month of the year already, how are we doing with the New Year resolutions? (I shouldn’t have reminded you about that, right?)

Anyways, how are you doing? The Christian Lenten season begins today, I wish my Christian brethren a healthy 40 days and may all our prayers be answered. Amen.

Have a great month, enjoy March, keep slaying, keep winning!

XOXO

Chinma Eke 

Product Review: Hegai & Esther Foundation

I can’t remember exactly how I got to know about Hegai and Esther foundation, I think it was through Instagram and so I did my research and what I saw and heard online; I liked and I visited their studio and got one. It’s manufactured and distributed by a Nigerian company #buyNaijatogrowtheNaira, I think I saw somewhere its Paraben free, plus it has SPF 20; all these were enough to get me to try I out.

The next morning I happily got out my foundation to tryout. It had taken a lot of self-control not to wipe off the makeup of the day before and tryout my new foundation. I kind off felt I should wait till the foundation is finished before writing this review so you get the benefit of the long haul use.

Price

The foundation retails for N4,500 (what I bought directly from Hegai and Esther), which puts it in the affordable range.

Product packaging

It came neatly packaged and sealed, came in a glass bottle with a pump. Which gave me my first cause for concern. I had to pump a few times before the product came out. They might want to look into this cos people like myself who like to get every bit of my product will not like this. By the third application I had to screw open the cover and from then on I had to open the bottle to be able to get the product out. Which I imagine is unsanitary and opening and closing daily meant getting air into the foundation, but the product stayed through to its consistency to the end (till when I couldn’t get any product anymore).

Application

The product adds promise full coverage but it’s more of a good medium; not a problem for me. It glided on smoothly and the shade I got- Carrot was a perfect fit. Could be worn with or without primer and still stay on for the full day. Black Opal Duluxe finishing powder in Neutral Light gives it the perfect finish (I love this shade).

Me, one of the times I applied it.

Pros:

• Good consistency
• Slightly matte finish
• Long wear
• SPF 20

Cons:

• Faulty dispensing pump

My verdict: 4.5– I would have given a perfect 5 but for the issue with the pump.

Will I buy again? Most likely, but I would love for them to fix the pump first.

Breaking The Silence: Drama?

Here’s the continuation of the Breaking the Silence series. If you haven’t read any of the episodes and/ or have missed any episodes/ or can’t remember them; here’s the first: And the news came, the second The situationship, The Situationship 2,  The End and a Beginning and The End & A New Beginning 2. 

Please read, enjoy, let me know what you think (comment) and don’t forget to share. 

****

…… She read all 22 messages, laughing at the desperation to hear gist in Linda’s messages. Rather than text a response, she decided to call her.

After the call, she checked her other whatsapp messages. Regular group convos, and …… a message from Chike “Hi, how are you?”

*****

Like seriously, how am I?

I’m peachy, very fabulous!

Lol! Angry female alert!!!

I need to get over this guy and all other guys and I need to do it fast. Like one line from him and I am cave girl all over.

Seriously, the line probably meant nothing to Chike; he was cunning like that and might just have been catching trips. Meanwhile; here I was, about to burst a vein. Smh for myself.

Anyways, Ada wasn’t going to reply that message; at least not this night. She had had enough of the day.

Just before she drifted off to sleep a text came in. curious she checked her phone; it was from Mofe saying goodnight.

She went to bed with a smile on her face.

***

The coming weeks were drama-filled for Ada.

She avoided speaking with Chike and only responded to his messages r calls when it was absolutely necessary. But he was persistent! Like he invented the word.

At the same time Mofe was pursuing her like with all he had. Mofe was a sweetheart, but she just wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship with him. He said all the right things, made all the right promises, but Ada was like; been there done that! Lol!

She threw herself into the final details for Linda’s wedding and when that day came it was so beautiful, Ada teared up a number of times and she wasn’t a crier.

Their friends came in for the wedding so it was a sort of girls’ reunion.

In one of their men bashing/ advice offering sessions, it just clicked; Sola and Chike!!!

Sola was an ex-coursemate of theirs who rarely kept in touch. She was such a special person, peculiar in her own way. Sola wouldn’t keep in touch for months, but in your hour of need she was one person you could bank on, not just count on.

She came in for Linda’s wedding from Port-Harcourt where she worked and it was like they had never been apart. To be friends with Sola, you just needed to understand her and give her the space she needed when she needs it. And, what set the light bulb off in Ada’s head; she and Chike were so alike in their relationship ideals! With her (Ada and Chike), she had thought the law of opposites thingy would be what they had going for them, unfortunately; that didn’t work out. Their differences was responsible for all the fights they had. So….. maybe with someone more like him; they will be in sync! Why didn’t she think of this all the while? Ever since that text, Chike had been hounding her. He wanted them back together, but she was having none of it. Maybe if she hooked him up (discretely ofcourse on his part), he will let her go; focus on the new catch.

But she will pre-inform Sola though. Sola was too solid a friend for her not to fully disclose.

“Ok!” Was Sola’s response when she spoke with her about it. Her face lit up in a mischievous smile.  “Let’s have a bit of fun!”

Classic Sola! The plan was to get Sola to run into them; Chike had been asking for a meeting, she will indulge his request and somehow get him to meet Sola.

Either way, whatever the outcome of the meeting; she wasn’t leaving the meeting with Chike still nursing a come-back bid.

***

She invited Mofe to Linda’s wedding (more like he made her invite him, lol). She forgot she had also invited Chike sometime in the past. Or maybe she didn’t forget, she just had not expected him to attend. Even when they were together he always had an excuse why he couldn’t be at family events.

So it was very surprising when he showed up at the reception!

They had ushered in the couple, the reception was in full swing with the MC piloting the affairs, the bridesmaids and groomsmen had left the couple and joined the party. Ada had gone to sit with Mofe and his friend, and just like in the movies; Ada’s gaze was pulled to one of the entrances and there was Chike walking in with two of his friends.

She stopped mid-sentence with her mouth open in shock, her smile froze, her throat was suddenly dry.

She managed to end the sentence and promptly excused herself to go block him off before he came in and made a scene at Ada’s wedding.

Walking on rubbery legs she searched her brain for what she would say to him; empty, she came up empty. She felt like everyone in the party was watching her; which couldn’t be but it felt that way. The MC’s voice fell away, all felt silent and all she could hear was white noise. Her mind went over all the possible reasons Chike could have for coming to the wedding. In her mind’s eye she saw him walking in angrily, seeing her with Mofe and making a scene.

She would just die from mortification.

She was so lost in thought she didn’t see the waiter until she had bumped into him.

Happy New Month, Welcome to February

It’s the official month of love! Happy new month lovers, welcome to February!

Hope January was good for you?

I wish you all the best that life has to offer in this month and beyond; great love to keep you warm and happy; and many more happy days.

Have a great month, y’all!

XOXO

Chinma

Travel Diaries: Warri

Every year, I promise myself I will give my adventurous side room to soar, and well……… I rarely do. So, this year; it wasn’t a conscious thought, the opportunity just came up earlier in the year and I took it, with both hands, and was on my way to…. Warri!

Best shot I could get of Efurun round about

I’m sure a few of you will think? What? Like of all places in Nigeria. Yeah, well, I had a primary reason for visiting the ‘city’, seeing the sights was just by the way. Besides, with the way the Waffi citizens are always going, I expected it to be……..

I don’t know, maybe I’m just not impressionable (I had a similar reaction to Ibadan), but I had fun, good company, got to see a bit of the city and to listen to the lyrical language of the people.

So, here are the five things I found out about Warri:

1. Waffi people can talk! Goodness gracious! Male, female, don’t get them started. You see all those skits we see where someone talks a thousand words a second; it’s pure Warri.

On a fifteen minute ride from Ughelli to Warri, I don’t think the cab driver kept quiet for a moment. It was from one topic to the other. It doesn’t matter if they are speaking pidgin or Urhobo, it all sounds so lyrical; like I could listen to them all day.

 

2. I love their blue keke! Lol, I must sound so soppy, but I do. It’s been over a year since I’ve left Lagos and it was nice seeing transport vehicles that aren’t yellow.

 

3. Warri ain’t got nothing on Obalende or Oshodi! My friend disagrees with me, but I think so sha!

We had the discussion when I repeatedly got out my phone to take pictures out on the road. He kept telling me to be careful as Warri boys can snatch my phone off my hands. Ofcourse I didn’t believe him. Or maybe I did because looking at my camera roll, I realise I didn’t get as many pictures as I would have loved to. But I did return with my phone though, lol.

I think I just made this guy a star, lol.

 

4. There are no tourist attractions in Warri! Or so I’ve been told. Their only tourist attraction is Delta mall, or more popularly known as Shoprite! Lol! I couldn’t believe it, and thought it was because my escort was also a newbie jjc like me, so I asked a colleague who grew up in and frequently returns to Warri, and he said the same thing; Shoprite! Yes and Effurun round about; which are side by side!

Oh yes, there’s the Golden Tulip and Silverbird Galleria, which were still all the same to me; like I don’t know maybe I was expecting to see an oil well or something sha! I sha didn’t want to see all of the same places that look same as the ones here in Lag.

 

5. I saw quite a lot of something called coco garri, I think it’s like cassava flakes or by-product of garri processing. Unfortunately I didn’t take pictures of it and this is the only one I can find on google, but I did see a lot of it.

I didn’t get to eat starch and Banga soup (not like I wanted to), but I finally got to see The Wise men, which is only fitting because I think it’s set in Warri, or should be. The characters are Niger-Deltan and locations mentioned are in Warri. The movie, beyond the funnies has a strong message of not going with the crowd and not being swayed by peer pressure.

I had a good trip sha; PTI, Warri Township stadium, etc. The road trip from Lagos- Warri-Ughelli- Lagos was cool, the company was great. And to he who made the trip possible; next up is the abroad!

XOXO

Chinma Eke