Dear Ms Psyche,
My wedding is in two months, and it’s not looking anything like what my fiance and I planned.
We had initially wanted a small wedding, maximum of 100 friends and family, but both our parents have hijacked the preparations, and I think we are heading for 1000 guests right now.
We wanted a ceremony which we could fund ourselves without outside help, and still have something in the bank, but right now we’ve exceeded all budgets.
We wanted a small wedding, not just because of the cost implications, but for the beauty and intimacy. All that has been taken away.
I’m no longer looking forward to the ceremony, it’s stressing my man out, how do we take back charge of our wedding?
Concerned bride to be.
Dear concerned bride to be,
Hello, congratulations on your impending marriage.
First off, you both need to sit your parents down and explain your choice of a smaller wedding, and the reasons for your choice. Emphasise on the fact that; this is what you both want and what will make you happy, and not on cost. If you emphasise on cost, chances are if your parents are people of means they will offer financial support, but that still isn’t what you want.
I know your parents will protest, give you many reasons why you should have everyone they know and the people those people know at your wedding, but you should insist. If the invitation cards haven’t been sent out then you can still trim the list. If they have, maybe you should stop with what you have.
Discuss with your parents, maybe compromise, perhaps, the wedding ceremony for only a select few, then the reception for all, trim the list down (I don’t think Nigerians have structured guests lists, most people just move around with the cards and invite as they go), all parties should find common ground.
For the parents of the couple, do you want your children to begin their marital life in debt?
I know you’ve attended weddings over the years and its your opportunity to invite others. Also you’ve collated wedding party ideas over the years and you want to showcase your party hosting skills.
Here’s a suggestion; renew your vows or host a wedding anniversary party. Incorporate your ideas into your own party, you can even work on fitting into your wedding costume. They will be a lot more buzz about you fitting into your wedding clothes decades later than about your child re-rocking it.
A wedding ceremony is the beginning of a marriage, not a political rally, or a fund raiser, and at all times in the planning; the opinion of the celebrants must be sought, perhaps fine-tuned, but ultimately carried out. It’s their wedding anyway. If the celebrants want horse drawn carriages, or to say their vows in a hot air balloon, or a small intimate wedding; indulge them, it’s their wedding.